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Some people think that parents have the greatest influence on their child’s academic development, while other think that a child’s teacher has more influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that parents have the greatest influence on their child’s academic development, while other think that a child’s teacher has more influence. v. 1
Education is fundamental to the progress of a nation, a community or an individual. Many think that parents are the greatest influences for the academic development of kids, whereas some think that teachers have more impact. I think that both play an important role in the studies of a child. To commence with, parents are the first teachers for the kid. They learn lots of things from their parents. For instance, a new born baby learns to talk, walk etc. , by observing the parents. Thus, home becomes the very initial educational institution for a child. The environment of a home and personalities of parents has a huge impact on kids. To illustrate, if parents create an education friendly environment and spend their time helping children in their studies, then they will surely improve their skills and get good grades. On the contrary, if parents themselves do not value education, it is very likely that the kid might get the same influence. However, the role of teachers is also very important in the academic development of students. Teachers introduce kids to a new world of academics which is full of opportunities and curiosities. Once students are curious enough, then they help them to quench their thirst to learn. They help kids analyse their abilities and to enhance them. For example, they know what are their strengths and weaknesses, and help them to work on their weaknesses. Many students have their teachers as their role models. To conclude, in my opinion, both parents and teachers play a very important in the academic development of children. They must join hands to help them in studies and achieve their dreams.
Education is fundamental to the progress of a nation, a community or an individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the greatest influences for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more impact. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the studies of a child.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
. They learn lots of things from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, a new born baby learns to talk, walk etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
by observing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
, home becomes the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
initial educational institution for a child. The environment of a home and personalities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
create an education friendly environment and spend their time helping children in their studies, then they will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades.
On the contrary
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
themselves do not value education, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same influence.

However
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
development of students.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to a new world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
which is full of opportunities and curiosities. Once students are curious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to quench their thirst to learn. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their abilities and to enhance them.
For example
, they know what are their strengths and weaknesses, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to work on their weaknesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as their role models.

To conclude
, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
development of children. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in studies and achieve their dreams.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people think that parents have the greatest influence on their child’s academic development, while other think that a child’s teacher has more influence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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