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Some people believe that there should be a law which prevents young people under the age of 18 being outside after midnight. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that there should be a law which prevents young people under the age of 18 being outside after midnight. v. 1
Nowadays, many youngsters are staying outside their home after midnight. While some believe that the law should be imposed on them so that they are restricted to be at home rather than outside, I, however, agree with this view for two reasons. The first reason why they should stay at home is due to involving in bad habits. Research has been conducted by the BBC and found that 85% of teenagers get involved in bad habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, in taking of drugs, and so on, which are harmful to their health. In contrast, many young adults who stay at home tend to be far away from such bad things. Therefore, if the government imposes stricter regulation on under the age of 18 teenagers for not going outside with their friends at midnight, there will be fewer chances of their involvement in the consumption of drugs, drinks or cigarettes. Another reason is the victimization of crime. Although it is argued that such teenagers have spent their most of time in the colleges or tuitions so it is their right to go for outing with their friends or alone, I would argue that such youngsters, especially girls, are often targeted in the crime of rape, kidnapping or sometimes missing from their hometown. Similarly, it has been observed that after the incident of such offspring feel isolated and disturbed, resulting in the lack of concentration on the studies and no interaction with their loved one. Therefore, only when the higher authorities bring the stringent law into force on youngsters on their outing late night, will the problem of victimization be solved. In conclusion, not only does it support the teenagers to get involved in bad habits, but also allows them to be a victim of the heinous crime. Therefore, I strongly believe that the authority should pass legislation and prevent them to go outside of their home late at night.
Nowadays,
many
youngsters are staying
outside
their home after midnight. While
some
believe that the law should
be imposed
on them
so
that they
are restricted
to be at home
rather
than
outside
, I,
however
,
agree
with this view for two reasons.

The
first
reason why they should stay at home is due to involving in
bad
habits. Research has
been conducted
by the BBC and found that 85% of
teenagers
get
involved in
bad
habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, in taking of drugs, and
so
on, which are harmful to their health.
In contrast
,
many
young adults who stay at home tend to be far away from such
bad
things.
Therefore
, if the
government
imposes stricter regulation on under the age of 18
teenagers
for not going
outside
with their friends at midnight, there will be fewer chances of their involvement in the consumption of drugs, drinks or cigarettes.

Another reason is the victimization of crime. Although it
is argued
that such
teenagers
have spent their
most of time
in the colleges or
tuitions
so
it is their right to go for outing with their friends or alone, I would argue that such youngsters,
especially
girls, are
often
targeted in the crime of rape, kidnapping or
sometimes
missing from their hometown.
Similarly
, it has
been observed
that after the incident of such offspring feel isolated and disturbed, resulting in the lack of concentration on the studies and no interaction with their
loved
one.
Therefore
,
only
when the higher authorities bring the stringent law into force on youngsters on their outing late night, will the problem of victimization
be solved
.

In conclusion
, not
only
does it support the
teenagers
to
get
involved in
bad
habits,
but
also
allows
them to be a victim of the heinous crime.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that the authority should pass legislation and
prevent
them to go
outside of
their home late at night.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people believe that there should be a law which prevents young people under the age of 18 being outside after midnight. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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