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Some people think that organizations would benefit more from young managers than from older ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that organizations would benefit more from young managers than from older ones. v. 3
Managing authorities are the backbone of any business or organization. Old managers are likely to serve commendably with the help of their experience whereas new managers can also be handy with up to date knowledge. Whether experience of old managers outweigh the enthusiasm of young lads has sparked a heated debate. This essay will endorse the given statement. Multifarious points are there to shore up my point of view. Firstly, young managers are usually current pass outs and holds the current knowledge of market which can be quite lucrative for any organisation. Secondly, young managers are considerably more passionate as compare to old manager which helps any company to boost up their business by great time. Further emphasizing on my point of view, since technology has overtaken almost everything, managing jobs are more reliable on electronic devices which are more friendly with young manager than old one. To be specific, there were no computers in the past, so, old manager may not have that good command over the electronic devices as compare to the today' s managers due to overwhelm use of such devices in today' s educational system Others have conflicting views. They believe that, experience is most significant to be a perfect manager whereas other electronic devices can be learnt in no time. According to them, experience undergo ample ups and downs which gives them enough strength to handle any situation better than anyone To recapitulate, updated skills are the order of the managing job which are carried by young managers through there complex and long educational syllabus. Hence, young managers are highly recommended for managing jobs
Managing authorities are the backbone of any business or organization.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are likely to serve
commendably
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
whereas new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
can
also
be handy with up to date knowledge.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
outweigh the enthusiasm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
lads has sparked a heated debate. This essay will endorse the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

Multifarious points are there to shore up my point of view.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
pass outs and holds the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
knowledge of market which can be quite lucrative for any
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are
considerably
more passionate as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to boost up their business by great time.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing on my point of view, since technology has overtaken almost everything, managing jobs are more reliable on electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
which are more friendly with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
one. To be specific, there were no computers in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
may not have that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
command over the electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
as compare to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
due to overwhelm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s educational
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
system


Others have conflicting views. They believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is most significant to be a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
whereas other electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in no time. According to them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
undergo ample ups and downs which gives them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
strength to handle any situation better than
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
anyone


To recapitulate, updated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are the order of the managing job which
are carried
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
through there complex and long educational syllabus.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are
highly
recommended for managing jobs
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that organizations would benefit more from young managers than from older ones. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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