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Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v. 2
Nowadays, creating some fundamental alters in society is one of the most prominent challenges for majority of citizens and governments in all over the world. Hence, there are numerous of considerable debates among social experts as well as some masses, some people vocalise that the government is the only factor which can influent on society considerably, whereas others state that individuals can play an important role in social impact. To my mind, I consider the effect on society of individuals as remarkable as the government. First of all, the government has its own effective methods to control and improve society. In particular, the government issues some policies for citizen’s benefits such as social welfare policy, economic policy. For instant, the government proposes the education policy which popularizes education for all classes in soceity; Therefore, the poor can have an opportunity to study. This is really a useful policy to helping society erase illiteracy and creating equality as well. In addition to, the government expands relationships with other countries gradually which may bring people a lot of good chances. Through these good relationships, the citizens can get many scholarships, job opportunities, convenient exportation and several other benefits. Secondly, it is undeniable that individuals affect on society directly as well as indirectly. The good individuals can contribute directly to society by complying with the law. They can merely be observant of the traffic law, or they can pay taxes in full and on time. One person can not have considerable influence, but the majority of people can change society. For example, if everyone has the sense to stop and move in traffic lights, traffic congestion may be eliminated. moreover, the individuals can also contribute to society by having an impact on the government. They can choose the person who can be good authorities in the government and can create some realistic methods to improve society through an election. In conclusion, although there are many different points of view about the impact on society between the government and individuals, I personally claim that these factors play the same important role in change society.
Nowadays, creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental alters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is one of the most prominent challenges for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
citizens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in all over the world.
Hence
, there are numerous of considerable debates among social experts
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'vocalise' is British English.
vocalise
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor which can
Possible spelling mistake found.
influent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
considerably
, whereas others state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in social impact. To my mind, I consider the effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as remarkable as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
effective methods to control and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
In particular
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
for citizen’s benefits such as social welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
, economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
. For instant, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
proposes the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
which popularizes education for all classes in
Possible spelling mistake found.
soceity
;
Therefore
, the poor can have an opportunity to study. This is
really
a useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
to helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
erase illiteracy and creating equality
as well
. In addition to, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
expands relationships with other countries
gradually
which may bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
chances. Through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationships, the citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scholarships, job opportunities, convenient exportation and several other benefits.

Secondly
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
directly
as well
as
indirectly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can contribute
directly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by complying with the law. They can
merely
be observant of the traffic law, or they can pay taxes in full and on time. One person can not have considerable influence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, if everyone has the sense to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in traffic lights, traffic congestion may
be eliminated
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
also
contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by having an impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. They can choose the person who can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
authorities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
realistic methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
through an election.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view about the impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, I
personally
claim that these factors play the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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