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Many young people nowadays are imitating celebrities in sports and movies. In your opinion, is this good or bad? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.1

Many young people nowadays are imitating celebrities in sports and movies. In your opinion, is this good or bad? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 1
A great deal of individuals are attempting to emulate a number of prominent stars. My view is that it is slight positive as well as negative. To intend to Become a well-known person by coping another legend which leads one to be a high profile individual in the world is an excellent idea. Because, Firstly, if any person strives to be a star, then the competitive mind will be grown in this human. Because he will have the intention to be famous so that he will learn much knowledge, much techniques whic will assist him to expand the horizon. There are countless paradigms as to how people become famous to imitate another celebrity. For instance, BangladeshI legend Sakib Al Hasan became nationwide acquainted by following, suggesting Indian best common star Arjit Sing. There are several reasons, however, have why to follow the remaining leading star is a negative side. If any person regards oneself as his ideal, then he will loose his own spirit and thought which lead him to be unoblivious in study as well as to be imbecile, silly and insular. As a result, he will be abortive to extend his own experience, brain, conception no longer. For example, statistics demonstrate that in Brazil, some teens and youngs became deviant and nonconformist to be identical to some big name persons. Consequently, parents were vain in returning them in conventional way. To conclude, those young generationa who have an in inclination to well-known persons are an excellent job as well as a bit dark side.
A great deal of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
attempting to emulate a number of prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
. My view is that it is slight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

To intend to Become a well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
by coping another legend which leads one to be a high profile individual in the world is an excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
Firstly
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
strives to be a star, then the competitive mind will
be grown
in this human.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he will have the intention to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he will learn much knowledge,
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
techniques
Possible spelling mistake found.
whic
will assist him to expand the horizon. There are countless paradigms as to how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
to imitate another celebrity.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
BangladeshI
legend
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sakib
Al
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hasan
became nationwide acquainted by following, suggesting Indian best common star
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arjit
Sing.

There are several reasons,
however
, have why to follow the remaining leading star is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side. If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
regards oneself as his ideal, then he will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
spirit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
which lead him to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
unoblivious
in study
as well
as to be imbecile, silly and insular.
As a result
, he will be abortive to extend his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, brain, conception no longer.
For example
, statistics demonstrate that in Brazil,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teens and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
became deviant and nonconformist to be identical to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
name
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
.
Consequently
, parents were vain in returning them in conventional way.

To conclude
, those young
Possible spelling mistake found.
generationa
who have an in inclination to well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are an excellent job
as well
as a bit dark side.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Many young people nowadays are imitating celebrities in sports and movies. In your opinion, is this good or bad? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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