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Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v.1

Government and Individual are two side of a coin, they are both are equally important in the society, if there is a missing of anyone it will impact hugely on the society. In my opinion, the Government plays a vital role for the society, as they are responsible for making law which make the society in an odder. They also have the power to control society and guide them in a good way. They have financial supports which allow them to do good thinks for the society. The performance of a government can been seen on the people behavior for example Bhutan is the only country to measure happiness as global index, it allows its people to be happy and have a peaceful life. In my opinion, Individual also plays a significate role, as government cannot reach on the ground level whereas individual can, they are key person which make sure that government development are done on the ground level. As we say charity start from home, so individual can make lot of changes in the ground level which can later affect the whole country, for example a lady in Kerala single handadly grown forest without any government help. In my opinion, I will say in economic language that is Government is at macro level and individual are at micro level. They both are important for the changes in the society. To be a successful, society need both to work hand to hand because in past we have seen that one party has affected the other party and the countries have ended up in disaster.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individual
are two side of a coin, they are both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, if there is a missing of anyone it will impact
hugely
on the society.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
plays a vital role for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, as they are responsible for making law which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in an odder. They
also
have the power to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and guide them in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way. They have financial supports which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The performance of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Did you mean “can be”?
can been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behavior
for example
Bhutan is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
country to measure happiness as global index, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be happy and have a peaceful life.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individual
also
plays a
Possible spelling mistake found.
significate
role, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot reach on the ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can, they are key person which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
development
are done
on the ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. As we say charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “the lot of” or “a lot of”?
lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
which can later affect the whole country,
for example
a lady in Kerala single
Possible spelling mistake found.
handadly
grown forest without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

In my opinion, I will say in economic language
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
is at macro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
are at micro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. They both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To be a successful,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
need both to work hand to hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in past we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that one party has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the other party and the countries have ended up in disaster.
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It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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