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To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if the children are not taught history? v.2

To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if the children are not taught history? v. 2
There are some people who think learning history is irrelevant to our modern world. But, knowing the past makes us to avoid the same mistakes. On the other hand, if our children aren’t taught history, they won’t have any empathy how our society has been through. Firstly, the main purpose of studying history is not only things that already happened before, but also how should we address those things in the present. This makes the horrific incidents remembered and not been done again. For example, German schools teach their kids to fully understand what their ancestors have done during the holocaust and then, those children regret for those who lost their lives and always be the frontliner in opposing violence. This is one of the example that history can make us more peaceful. And because of this measure, the world has lesser conflicts than ever before. Secondly, the consequences of not learning the past are varied, but the most concerning issue is lack of empathy to our ancestors. These days, some children don’t even know when is the national day or who is our national hero. The worst of all is some people ignore the dark past, for instance, most of the Japanese can’t recognize what their soldiers conducted the mass killing of Nanking. This is the result from inadequate contents of history in Japanese classrooms. We don’t want to make the same scar, so we need to remember the scar. In summary, history is the tool to prevent the bad things occurred in the past to come out again in the future. Our children must be emphasized on how our civilization has gone through many events, both good and bad. So, the teaching of this subject is always relevant in today’s world.
There are
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
learning
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history
is irrelevant to our modern world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us to avoid the same mistakes.
On the other hand
, if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aren’t taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they won’t have any empathy how our society has been through.

Firstly
, the main purpose of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
things that already happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how should we address those things in the present. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the horrific incidents remembered and not
been done
again.
For example
, German schools teach their kids to
fully
understand what their ancestors have done during the holocaust and then, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regret for those who lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and always be the
Possible spelling mistake found.
frontliner
in opposing violence. This is one of the example that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us more peaceful. And
because of this
measure, the world has lesser conflicts than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Secondly
, the consequences of not learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
are varied
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most concerning issue is lack of empathy to our ancestors. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don’t even know when is the national day or who is our national hero. The worst of all is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the dark
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
for instance
, most of the Japanese can’t recognize what their soldiers conducted the mass killing of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nanking
. This is the result from inadequate contents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in Japanese classrooms. We don’t want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the same scar,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to remember the scar.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is the tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things occurred in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out again in the future. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be emphasized
on how our civilization has gone through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the teaching of this subject is always relevant in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if the children are not taught history? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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