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Nowdays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get local to visit museums and historical sites more? v.1

Nowdays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get local to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 1
The host to sports events has become a fierce competition among some countries in recent years. Many people believe that major international sports competitions are not useful for host countries. I completely disagree with this idea, and I believe that hosting big sports events come with some advantages, especially economic and new facilities. First of all, a country that hosts a major sports event, can financially benefit from the events. Sport-lovers, who visit the host country, spend a large sum of money on accommodation, food, and shopping, etc. As a result of these visits, host countries relatively improve their economy in the short run. Moreover, foreign sponsorships contribute notably the budget of the country, and these sponsorships result in possibly new investments. For example, Volkswagen, which is a major car company, and the main sponsor of the Euro Cup, invested in Turkey, establishing a car factory after the Euro Cup, which Turkey hosted. Therefore, it is clear that the revenue of international sports events should not be ignored in favor of host countries. Secondly, major sports events lead to be built new sports facilities. These facilities can serve the citizens of the host country after the competitions. Furthermore, the host countries have to modernize their transportation system, which is an important requirement, if they want to be accepted the events to host, That’s, the big sports events guarantee a state-of-the-art transportation system for the people of that country. For instance, Turkey had to invest in the railway network across the country and spent money on new routes and high-speed trains in 2012 so that the country can have the opportunity to host major sports events. Hence, hosting a big sport competition leads to various infrastructure developments. To conclude, many countries desire to host international sports events. But, is hosting a sports competition is worthwhile? Many people say that the result of this desire would not be beneficial for the host country. However, I fully agree with the opposite idea that international organizations, including sports events, have a positive impact on the host country in terms of its economic advantages as well as the construction of new facilities.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has become a fierce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
are not useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and I believe that hosting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages,
especially
economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
facilities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosts
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, can
financially
benefit from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Sport-lovers, who visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, spend a large sum of money on accommodation, food, and shopping, etc.
As a result
of these visits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
relatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy in the short run.
Moreover
, foreign sponsorships contribute
notably
the budget of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and these sponsorships result in
possibly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
investments.
For example
, Volkswagen, which is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and the main sponsor of the Euro Cup, invested in Turkey, establishing a car factory after the Euro Cup, which Turkey hosted.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the revenue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
countries.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
lead to
be built
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. These facilities can serve the citizens of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
modernize their transportation system, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
requirement, if they want to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
, That’s, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
guarantee a state-of-the-art transportation system for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, Turkey had to invest in the railway network across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and spent money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
routes and high-speed trains in 2012
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Hence
, hosting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
leads to various infrastructure developments.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, is hosting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is worthwhile?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the result of this desire would not be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
organizations, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in terms of its economic advantages
as well
as the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowdays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get local to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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