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Some people think that newly built houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have the freedom to build houses of their own styles. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that newly built houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have the freedom to build houses of their own styles. v. 1
A child learns from their parents and provides an initial learning environment by parents. It is an ongoing debate on whether parents should be held responsible for their children's misdeeds and who should be punished for this misbehaviour. My opinion is surrounded by some arguments in the upcoming paragraphs. There are multifarious reasons behind this problem. The prime reason is that, the parents do not pay enough attention to their child. In many metropolises, it is a common phenomenon that both father and mother are working and they do not allocate sufficient time to their child. Stemming from this, these parents are not able to identify the behaviour problem of their children at an earlier stage. In addition to this, parents are responsible for bringing their children on the earth and raising them in such a way that they act appropriately in society. Everyone knows that juveniles make mistakes, but it is the onus on parents to keep an eye on them that they do not exceed their limits and commit bad behaviour. Secondly, restrictions and motivations teach children about the responsibilities and respect which in turn, make them more understandable person. In other words, if parents ignore and do not realise their role, then children adopt other sources to learn such as TV, internet etc. They learn whatever they see and it might be violence and vulgarity. Later on, it becomes hard for parents to get their children out from this kind of mud. So it is the responsibility of only parents itself for doing any bad behaviour irrespective of age. In closure, parents are responsible for the acts done by children, however, they need to educate their kids slowly with very small punishments so that children will refrain from doing misbehave.
A child learns from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and provides an initial learning environment by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is an ongoing debate on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be held
responsible for their children's misdeeds and who should
be punished
for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
. My opinion
is surrounded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are multifarious reasons behind this problem. The prime reason is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to their child. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolises, it is a common phenomenon that both father and mother are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they do not allocate sufficient time to their child. Stemming from this, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to identify the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
problem of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an earlier stage.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for bringing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the earth and raising them in such a way that they act
appropriately
in society. Everyone knows that juveniles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the onus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on them that they do not exceed their limits and commit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Secondly
, restrictions and motivations teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the responsibilities and respect which in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more understandable person.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their role, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adopt other sources to learn such as TV, internet etc. They learn whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and it might be violence and vulgarity. Later on, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
out from this kind of mud.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is the responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
itself for doing any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
irrespective of age.

In closure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for the acts done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, they need to educate their kids
slowly
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
punishments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will refrain from doing misbehave.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that newly built houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have the freedom to build houses of their own styles. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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