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Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purposes of museums are to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purposes of museums are to educate. v. 1
It is thought that museums are advised to be a source of entertainment. Some people state that these places should be provided as an education system. I think the question is not which one is better but how to combine those things to make the most of it. On the one hand, it is certainly true that most people come to historical sites and art galleries to enhance their mental and emotional health. In other words, these places are such a peaceful environment where visitors choose to spend their valuable time with their families or friends. Therefore, to meet the requirement of target customers, museums need to be equipped with interesting objects and designed to be more spectacular to bring happiness to their visitors. For example, some museums created several interactive activities or games for children and thus leading to better enjoyment for youngsters. It would be such boring destinations if artworks have no desire to make their tourist satisfied. On the other hand, museums should also be played as an educational institution. The ultimate purposes of any exhibitions are educating and raising people’s awareness about history since these places were established to celebrate human’s wonderful discoveries and achievements. Ho Chi Minh museum, for instance, which is one of the most attractions for foreign tourists. This place not only emphasizes teaching the public as to how challenging and difficult it was for Uncle Ho to make considerable contributions to his country Vietnam but also tourists should be proud of what they have regardless of how rich or poor they are. To undertake those values, it employs professional guides to talk to its visitors or even giving some essential documents to them. In conclusion, I strongly believe that museums play an indispensable role in people’s lives. And it would be better for those places to serve as educational and entertaining organizations.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are advised
to be a source of entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
be provided
as an education system. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the question is not which one is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how to combine those things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of it.

On the one hand, it is
certainly
true that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to historical sites and art galleries to enhance their mental and emotional health.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are such a peaceful environment where visitors choose to spend their valuable time with their families or friends.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirement of target customers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
need to
be equipped
with interesting objects and designed to be more spectacular to bring happiness to their visitors.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
created several interactive activities or games for children and
thus
leading to better enjoyment for youngsters. It would be such boring destinations if artworks have no desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their tourist satisfied.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
also
be played
as an educational institution. The ultimate purposes of any exhibitions are educating and raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness about history since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
were established
to celebrate human’s wonderful discoveries and achievements. Ho Chi Minh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
for instance
, which is one of the most attractions for foreign tourists. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
emphasizes teaching the public as to how challenging and difficult it was for Uncle Ho to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
considerable contributions to his country Vietnam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
tourists should be proud of what they have regardless of how rich or poor they are. To undertake those values, it employs professional guides to talk to its visitors or even giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential documents to them.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
play an indispensable role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And it would be better for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to serve as educational and entertaining organizations.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purposes of museums are to educate. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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