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Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world To what extent do you agree or disagree v.3

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world v. 3
University education has always been expensive, but the recent years have not only seen a continuous increase in its fees, but also a greater decrease in employment rates of graduate students. This has led some people to support the idea that, universities should only teach practical degree courses and completely abolish all arts subjects. I completely disagree with this opinion and this essay will discuss the reasons for such a viewpoint. Firstly, to believe that arts subjects are not as good for the career formation as practical degree courses is an incorrect assumption in itself. There are myriad of career options for arts graduates; like that of a counsellor, psychologist, archaeologist, and historian to name but a few. Thus arts graduates are equally competent with graduates of any other stream as far as professional front is concerned. Furthermore, entirely eliminating arts courses from university education will be unfair for the people who have a greater interest in this stream and wish to attain the highest possible degree in it. For an illustration the results of a poll conducted, by a local NEWS channel, over several colleges across Europe showed that, 70% of students who opted for arts over other subjects, did so because of interest rather than any other reason. Thus, showing that removing this field to be unjust and unethical. To conclude, this essay argued why it is wrong and unethical to remove arts subjects from university education and how these are an indispensable part of any education system. Thus they should be retained forever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has always been expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the recent years have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a continuous increase in its fees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a greater decrease in employment rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
students. This has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach practical degree courses and completely abolish all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I completely disagree with this opinion and this essay will discuss the reasons for such a viewpoint.

Firstly
, to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the career formation as practical degree courses is an incorrect assumption in itself. There are myriad of career options for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
; like that of a
Possible spelling mistake. 'counsellor' is British English.
counsellor
, psychologist, archaeologist, and historian to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are
equally
competent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
of any other stream as far as professional front
is concerned
.

Furthermore
,
entirely
eliminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
courses from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be unfair for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a greater interest in this stream and wish to attain the highest possible degree in it. For an illustration the results of a poll conducted, by a local NEWS channel, over several colleges across Europe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, 70% of students who opted for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
over other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of interest
rather
than any other reason.
Thus
, showing that removing this field to be unjust and unethical.

To conclude
, this essay argued why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and unethical to remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and how these are an indispensable part of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they should
be retained
forever.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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