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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.18

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 18
According to some people technological innovations have made people more sociable; however, others disagree with that view. In my opinion modern mechanics are making people more sociable but at the same time it hinders the facing interaction among people. I will explain my view in this essay. On the one hand, it is an irrefutable fact that modern innovation has shrunk our big planet earth into a small global village. Now it is possible for a person to contact his kith and kin who are sitting on the other side of the planet with the use of the internet and mobile phones or laptops on a regular basis. This frequent contact among family members and friends strengthens the bond. Moreover, with the advent of fast transport systems / services like metro trains, bullet trains and flights the distance and duration of the journey has minimised and it is now possible for people to visit their relatives living in other countries or states more frequently. Obviously, technology has increased the interactions among people. On the other hand, sometimes, children and adults become so obsessed with forefront that they avoid in-person interaction with their relatives and friends. Children become so engrossed with new gadgets that they avoid hang out with their parents and friends. What is more, with the advent of e-commerce and various other websites now people are able to buy commodities of daily need or pay their bills online and this again has limited the actual interaction among people. To conclude, I reiterate that modern technology has given people a platform to stay in touch with their loved ones, but at the same time it has taken out face to face interactions from the equation.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
technological innovations have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sociable;
however
, others disagree with that view. In my opinion modern mechanics are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sociable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time it hinders the facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my view in this essay.

On the one hand, it is an irrefutable fact that modern innovation has shrunk our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
planet earth into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
global village.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is possible for a person to contact his kith and kin who are sitting on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the planet with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and mobile phones or laptops on a regular basis. This frequent contact among family members and friends strengthens the bond.
Moreover
, with the advent of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
transport systems / services like metro trains, bullet trains and flights the distance and duration of the journey has
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit their relatives living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries or states more
frequently
.
Obviously
, technology has increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, children and adults become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed with forefront that they avoid in-person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with their relatives and friends. Children become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
engrossed with new gadgets that they avoid hang out with their parents and friends.
What is more
, with the advent of e-commerce and various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
commodities of daily need or pay their bills online and this again has limited the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, I reiterate that modern technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a platform to stay in touch with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time it has taken out face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
from the equation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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