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Some people think that modern technology has more negative effects on our lives than positive ones. v.1

Some people think that modern technology has more negative effects on our lives than positive ones. v. 1
The 21st century has already seen considerable progress in technology. It is true that this improvement in technology has revolutionised our lives. However, I believe that this has more negatives harms than benefits on individual's life. In this essay, the manner in which development of technology has affected communication and employment opportunities will be analysed. To begin with, people nowadays are more dependent on the electronic devices for communicating with others. A good illustration for this is the recent innovation of the ‘Whatsapp’ which provides an alternative for sending messages free of charge. Although this innovation has eased the means of communication it is nowhere compared to the face-to-face communication and it lacks the feeling of closeness. Thus, the link between improved technology and degraded communication skills can be seen. In addition, advancement in technology has resulted in replacing people with the machines at various workplaces. For instance, the existence of labour-saving devices such as dishwasher, washing machine and vacuum cleaner acts as a substitute for the house-maids causing the rise in the unemployment. Because of this, individuals have to depend on the government for their basic needs and thus the economy of the country is affected. Therefore, the negative implications on the work status as well as the economy of the society are clear. From the above examples, it is difficult to debunk that technological advances have afflicted the peoples' lives. It is thus hoped that the elected representatives will take measures to minimise the usage of technology in certain places for the well-being of the society.
The 21st century has already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
considerable progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It is true that this improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, I believe that this has more negatives harms than benefits on individual's life. In this essay, the manner in which development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and employment opportunities will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are more dependent on the electronic devices for communicating with others. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is the recent innovation of the ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
’ which provides an alternative for sending messages free of charge. Although this innovation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
the means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
it is nowhere compared to the face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and it lacks the feeling of closeness.
Thus
, the link between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and degraded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

In addition
, advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has resulted in replacing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the machines at various workplaces.
For instance
, the existence of
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-saving
devices such as dishwasher, washing machine and vacuum cleaner acts as a substitute for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-maids causing the rise in the unemployment.
Because of this
, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for their basic needs and
thus
the economy of the country is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications on the work status
as well
as the economy of the society are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

From the above examples, it is difficult to debunk that technological advances have afflicted the peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is
thus
hoped that the elected representatives will take measures to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in certain places for the well-being of the society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology has more negative effects on our lives than positive ones. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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