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Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. v.4

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. v. 4
The mobile phone has become the most popular gadget in today’s world. Some people argue that usage of cell phones should be prohibited in the public places. Personally, I completely agree with this idea due to many reasons. In my opinion, there are many health and social problems that can occur as a result of using mobile phones in public places. Socially, a mobile phone can be described as an intrusive tool. It can disturb others while they are concentrating and reading in some places like libraries. Mobile phone etiquette is an important issue when mobile ringing at movies or in the libraries. Users often speak with loud volume and annoy the others people nearby. It has become common practice for places like bookshops and libraries to post a sign prohibiting the usage of mobile phone.   Also, many public trains offer a 'quiet zones ' where phone use is banned. Another lethal concern is the health problems that can be caused by using cell phones in the public places. Firstly, I believe that there is a strong correlation between the usage of the mobile phone in the public places, like public transportation and increased numbers of traffic accidents. Mobile have been a major distraction on the road even when using 'hands- free' system (talking without the involvement of the hands). Some studies have shown that talking on a phone while driving is equally impairing as drinking and driving.   Secondly, there are possible radiation impacts on the brain from the mobile phones, with increased possibility of certain types of tumours in long - time, to persistent heavy users. Finally, the signal of mobile phones can cause serious problems in some public places like hospital and public transport by interfering with the signal of medical and communication devices. Even in the public transport if any patient wears implanted heart device, the mobile phone can interfere with it and it could be stopped completely. So mobile phone can have fatal consequences for patients in the hospital and other public places. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the use of cell phones in the public places should be prohibited completely.
The mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become the most popular gadget in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that usage of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be prohibited
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health and social problems that can occur
as a result
of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Socially
, a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
as an intrusive tool. It can disturb others while they are concentrating and reading in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like libraries. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
etiquette is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue when mobile ringing at movies or in the libraries. Users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
speak with loud volume and annoy the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nearby. It has become common practice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like bookshops and libraries to post a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
prohibiting the usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
trains offer a 'quiet zones
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is banned
.

Another lethal concern is the health problems that can
be caused
by using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, I believe that there is a strong correlation between the usage of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation and increased numbers of traffic accidents. Mobile have been a major distraction on the road even when using 'hands- free' system (talking without the involvement of the hands).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
studies have shown that talking on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while driving is
equally
impairing as drinking and driving.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Secondly
, there are possible radiation impacts on the brain from the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, with increased possibility of certain types of
Possible spelling mistake. 'tumours' is British English.
tumours
in long
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
time, to persistent heavy users.

Finally
, the signal of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can cause serious problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like hospital and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport by interfering with the signal of medical and communication devices. Even in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport if any patient wears implanted heart device, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can interfere with it and it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
completely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can have fatal consequences for patients in the hospital and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
be prohibited
completely.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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