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People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. v.1

People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. v. 1
Some people believe that people, in present time, need each other while others argue that people are no longer in need of anyone else. As far as my opinion is concerned, I completely agree that people nowadays have a more independent life. This is because of the availability of both the different jobs and the means of technology. The first reason why people live independently, in our present time, is that they have many opportunities which are sufficient for their needs. That is to say, when someone is jobless, he has a chance to apply for a job that suits his qualifications. For example, my brother finished his secondary school one year ago. He tried to find an appropriate job in a company and he was accepted immediately. Therefore, he will not need another person to depend on since he has what suffices his needs. Consequently, it can be said that the more jobs opportunities are available, the more independent people become. The second reason that makes people independent is the means of technology. It is taken for granted that technology eases and facilitates the lives of people. For instance, if a person intends to buy a new house and he is confused or indecisive about what to choose, he can consult the internet instead of relying on other people. Through this way, he will find abundant choices and consultations which will help him in making his right choice. Hence, we can admittedly say that technology greatly contributes in the Self- reliance of people. In conclusion, it can be unanimously inferred that unlike people in the past, people in present time enjoy and lead a more independent life reasoning from the existence of both jobs opportunities and means of technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
each other while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no longer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of anyone else. As far as my opinion
is concerned
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of both the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and the means of technology.

The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
, in our present time, is that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities which are sufficient for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
That is
to say, when someone is jobless, he has a chance to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that suits his qualifications.
For example
, my brother finished his secondary school one year ago. He tried to find an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
immediately.
Therefore
, he will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
another person to depend on since he has what suffices his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
opportunities are available, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become.

The second reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
is the means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It
is taken
for granted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
and facilitates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, if a person intends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
he
is confused
or indecisive about what to choose, he can consult the internet
instead
of relying on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Through this way, he will find abundant choices and consultations which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in making his right choice.
Hence
, we can
admittedly
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
greatly
contributes in the Self- reliance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, it can be
unanimously
inferred that unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in present time enjoy and lead a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
life reasoning from the existence of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
opportunities and means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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