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Some people think that men and women are different so men are more suitable for certain jobs and are the same with women. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that men and women are different so men are more suitable for certain jobs and are the same with women. v. 1
Sport continues to be a controversial topic in the school curriculum, just as the sport itself has become a controversial industry in some respects. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will now consider. On the one hand, some people feel that sport uses up time, which could be better spent on Academic subjects such as exam preparation. In addition, it might be said that it is unwise to force children to do activities which they have no interest in. After all, some youngsters are just not sporty, and should be allowed to study instead. Finally, there are question marks over the wholesomeness of sport itself, with drugging and corruption scandals increasingly common, as we see in cycling at present. Some people believe that this lack of morals sets a poor example to young people. On the other hand, though, one major benefit of sport is that it helps children’s physical development at an important stage. If all their time was spent studying, they would become unfit and their minds would eventually suffer. Furthermore, supporters of school sport emphasize the importance of team building in sports such as football or hockey, which is often felt to be an excellent preparation for adulthood. Finally, many people feel that a competitive spirit, so important today, is fostered by sports at an early age. It is notable, for example, that many successful business people excelled in sport at school. Overall, I feel that sport should be compulsory for school children, because the positive effect on their mental and physical development outweighs the negatives. This is as long as children are given a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that the sports industry itself maintains the highest standards of conduct.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
continues to be a controversial topic in the school curriculum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
itself has become a controversial industry in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
respects. There are valid opinions on both sides, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
consider.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
up time, which could be better spent on

Academic subjects such as exam preparation.
In addition
, it might
be said
that it is unwise to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do activities which they have no interest in.
After all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not sporty, and should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to study
instead
.
Finally
, there are question marks over the wholesomeness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
itself, with drugging and corruption scandals
increasingly
common, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in cycling at present.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this lack of morals sets a poor example to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, though, one major benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical development at an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
stage. If all their time
was spent
studying, they would become unfit and their minds would
eventually
suffer.
Furthermore
, supporters of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
emphasize the importance of team building in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football or hockey, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
felt to be an excellent preparation for adulthood.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that a competitive spirit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
is fostered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at an early age. It is notable,
for example
, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
excelled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
at school.

Overall
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should be compulsory for school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their mental and physical development outweighs the negatives. This is as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry itself maintains the highest standards of conduct.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women are different so men are more suitable for certain jobs and are the same with women. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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