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Some people think that media should not report detail of crimes to the public. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that media should not report detail of crimes to the public. v. 2
Nowadays, detailed reports of crimes could be seen on the media frequently. Some people suggest that government should take measures to ban contents regarding crime details to be shown on the media. Personally, I agree with this opinion, which I will elaborate further in this essay. While it undeniable that giving detailed information about crimes has benefits. To begin with, it could arouse the awareness of the public of self-protection. By providing details of crimes, people will be more conscious of their own safety and try to avoid being the next victim. For example, people tend to avoid going to an area if they knew robberies and stealing frequently occurred there. Furthermore, in general, the results of judgement are reported alongside with the crime details. This would be a deterrent to some prospective law-breakers. Therefore, some might give up their illegal plans considering the consequence of committing crimes. Nevertheless, reports of crime details have more drawbacks. Firstly, detailed reports of crimes have negative influences to social security. For those who intend to break the law but lack necessary knowledge and skills, they can be taught by the detailed information of crimes published on the media. Thus, they would learn how to plan and implement crimes, which would result in an increasing number of crimes. Furthermore, some criminals might get inspiration of how to escape from being caught by the police by the experiences of other offenders. For instance, a would-be offender could learn the necessity of covering his fingerprints when he saws a report of how does a criminal got caught by police because of the revealing of his fingerprints. In addition, some details of crimes are too cruel and make people feel terrified about their surroundings, some might even develop a distrust towards governments, which would impair social stability. As discussed above, governments should impose prohibition on reporting details of crimes since it bring more disadvantages than advantages.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the media
frequently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take measures to ban contents regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
to
be shown
on the media.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, which I will elaborate
further
in this essay.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it undeniable that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
has benefits. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it could arouse the awareness of the public of self-protection. By providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more conscious of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety and try to avoid being the
next
victim.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to avoid going to an area if they knew robberies and stealing
frequently
occurred there.
Furthermore
,
in general
, the results of judgement
are reported
alongside with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
. This would be a deterrent to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prospective law-breakers.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might give up their illegal plans considering the consequence of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
have more drawbacks.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences to social security. For those who intend to break the law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack necessary knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they can
be taught
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
published on the media.
Thus
, they would learn how to plan and implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, which would result in an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspiration of how to escape from
being caught
by the police by the experiences of other offenders.
For instance
, a would-be offender could learn the necessity of covering his fingerprints when he saws a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
report
of how does a criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
caught by police
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the revealing of his fingerprints.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are too cruel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel terrified about their surroundings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might even develop a distrust towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, which would impair social stability.

As discussed above,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should impose prohibition on reporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
since it bring more disadvantages than advantages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that media should not report detail of crimes to the public. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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