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Some people think that living in a country for a period of time is needed to learn the language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that living in a country for a period of time is needed to learn the language and culture. v. 3
It is true that some people argue that staying in a foreign country for a while is necessary to study the culture and language. I firmly agree with this statement and this essay will support my opinion giving some examples. On the one hand, studying a foreign language by staying abroad would increase the speed of learning, which appears very tempting for many. However, there are some reasons that should not be underestimated. Firstly, it is the cost price. Living abroad is a dream of many people, but its cost is considerably higher. For instance, there are many schools which allow students to study and live abroad at the same time, but these services are pretty much expensive, it would cost for a normal student roughly 10000 euros for 6 months and within this period is not certain that the student will master the language or achieve his purpose. Secondly, the environment. Many people underestimate this factor since they believe that every country have almost the same environment, which is not true. As a result, people may develop a homesick and give up without learning too much about the subjects. On the other hand, there is a high amount of the benefits of living in a foreign country. First of all, there are possibilities to increase the speech ability by talking with local people. In this case, foreigners might develop a native pronunciation and, consequently, improve their vocabulary skills. Furthermore, the knowledge of the culture will increase since they witness it everyday in their daily routine. For example, foreigners can easily learn some culture by doing some of the most banal activities, such as shopping, eat local foods and so on. In conclusion, living abroad is a dream of many, and by doing so it would be easier for foreigners to learn the language and culture. As far as I am concerned, this approach is necessary to study a new language and culture.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that staying in a foreign country for a while is necessary to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay will support my opinion giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

On the one hand, studying a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
by staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
would increase the speed of learning, which appears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tempting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that should not
be underestimated
.
Firstly
, it is the cost price. Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is a dream of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its cost is
considerably
higher.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
at the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these services are pretty much expensive, it would cost for a normal student roughly 10000 euros for 6 months and within this period is not certain that the student will master the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
or achieve his purpose.
Secondly
, the environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
underestimate this factor since they believe that every country have almost the same environment, which is not true.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may develop a homesick and give up without learning too much about the subjects.

On the other hand
, there is a high amount of the benefits of living in a foreign country.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are possibilities to increase the speech ability by talking with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In this case
, foreigners might develop a native pronunciation and,
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their vocabulary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, the knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will increase since they witness it
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in their daily routine.
For example
, foreigners can
easily
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most banal activities, such as shopping, eat local foods and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is a dream of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, and by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be easier for foreigners to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. As far as I
am concerned
, this approach is necessary to study a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that living in a country for a period of time is needed to learn the language and culture. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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