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Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that animals are a necessary part of a diet. What is your opinion. v.2

Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that animals are a necessary part of a diet. What is your opinion. v. 2
Animal slaughter has been highlighted as an emerging issue, sparking global outcry for its violation of animal’s rights. Despite the suggestion emphasizing the cruelty fo animal killing, the essence of animals in humans’ dietary plans are pronounced. It is true that animal meat is an indispensable part of humans’ diet. First, animal-sourced products contain numerous nutrients, which could never be found on vegetables. The consumption of such substances would prevent individuals from suffering inadequate nutrition, ensuring their health balance and stability. In addition, in many nations, especially developing ones, the weather conditions and soil quality are not suitable for growing crops, leading to serious food securities. Consequently, citizens have to rely on animal-origin food, which is conducive to the uptake of enough calorie for the body function, averting the possibilities of starvation. Additionally, The cruelty of animal slaughter could be eliminated with better governmental supervision. In fact many official authorities have enacted humane killing law, providing guideline for slaughter and animal processing factories. For example, in Vietnam, the “ no killing while conscious” regulation has been imposed, providing the usage of anesthesia, which could cause animals’ instant unconsciousness followed by rapid death without regaining consciousness, thereby reducing the suffering and agony to the minimal level. In conclusion, I firmly believe that animals hold significant role in humans’ diet due to their positive implications on physical health. Therefore, for the well-being purpose, If official authorities could ensure the human killing on animals, the ensuing pain and distress would be considerably eliminated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
slaughter has
been highlighted
as an emerging issue, sparking global outcry for its violation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
rights. Despite the suggestion emphasizing the cruelty
Possible spelling mistake found.
fo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
, the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
dietary plans
are pronounced
.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
meat is an indispensable part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
diet.
First
, animal-sourced products contain numerous nutrients, which could never
be found
on vegetables. The consumption of such substances would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
individuals from suffering inadequate nutrition, ensuring their health balance and stability.
In addition
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations,
especially
developing ones, the weather conditions and soil quality are not suitable for growing crops, leading to serious food securities.
Consequently
, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on animal-origin food, which is conducive to the uptake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
calorie for the body function, averting the possibilities of starvation.

Additionally
, The cruelty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
slaughter could
be eliminated
with better governmental supervision. In fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
official authorities have enacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
law, providing guideline for slaughter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
processing factories.
For example
, in Vietnam, the
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
while conscious” regulation has
been imposed
, providing the usage of anesthesia, which could cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
instant unconsciousness followed by rapid death without regaining consciousness, thereby reducing the suffering and agony to the minimal level.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
hold significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
diet due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications on physical health.
Therefore
, for the well-being purpose, If official authorities could ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, the ensuing pain and distress would be
considerably
eliminated.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that animals are a necessary part of a diet. What is your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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