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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.17

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 17
Just by giving a financial aid to under-developed or developing countries cannot eliminate poverty and starvation. Thus, developed countries should help them by supporting other kinds of help instead of giving or donating money to them. In my opinion, I agree that it would be the best if rich countries can assist poorer countries in the other way round because only financial aid cannot solve the social problems in a long term. However, it depends on the situation the each country faces at the moment. One thing that richer countries can do to help poorer countries is that to help them expand the urbanization. For example, a joint venture between the countries to build a high-speed train system. This will create not only easier way of transportation, but also more investment channels to the other places apart from the capital or economic areas as people worried less about how to travel. All of these will result in a higher number of employment for both workers during the construction and local people after it finished. Besides, this kind of investment can also encourage technology and knowledge transferring between the countries which will help develop poorer countries in a long run. On the other hand, if under-developed or developing countries confront an urgent situation, like hazardous floods or earthquakes, financial support would be the fastest way to help mitigate the hardship as it needs a prompt response to cope with natural disasters. In conclusion, although I agree with that, if possible, developed countries should support poorer countries in the other ways rather than financial aid, it should also consider based on the situation and what those countries need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
by giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid to under-developed or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot eliminate poverty and starvation.
Thus
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them by supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
instead
of giving or donating money to them. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it would be the best if rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way round
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid cannot solve the social problems in a long term.
However
, it depends on the situation
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
faces at the moment.

One thing that richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can do to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them expand the urbanization.
For example
, a joint venture between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to build a high-speed train system. This will create not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
easier way of transportation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more investment channels to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places apart from the capital or economic areas as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worried less about how to travel. All of these will result in a higher number of employment for both workers during the construction and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
after it finished.
Besides
, this kind of investment can
also
encourage technology and knowledge transferring between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in a long run.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if under-developed or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
confront an urgent situation, like hazardous floods or earthquakes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support would be the fastest way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
mitigate the hardship as it needs a prompt response to cope with natural disasters.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that, if possible, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid, it should
also
consider based on the situation and what those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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