Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that children should obey rules and do what their parents and teacherswant them to do. Others believe that children controlled very much are not well-prepared fortheir adult lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that children should obey rules and do what their parents and teacherswant them to do. Others believe that children controlled very much are not well-prepared fortheir adult lives. v. 1
Parents’ and teachers’ supervision over young individuals has been capturing significant public attention in recent decades. Given the common suggestion advocating children’s total adherence to adults’ control sounds plausible, it could be fraught with many negative ramifications related to their future prospects. On the one hand, it true that youngsters are obliged to follow parents’ and teachers’ rules. First, complying with adults’ regulations could steer children away from social evils, which would breed the juvenile delinquency and felony commissions in the future. For example, without parental guidance, young individuals can easily fall prey to negative peer pressure, including alcoholism and substance abuse, increasing their possibilities of committing more serious crime such as mugging or even premeditated homicide in order to have money to purchase drugs. Second, in many cultures especially oriental ones, total obedience to older generations’ rules signifies the fulfilling of both moral codes and reverence, which stigmatizes young individuals if they defy. In fact, in Vietnam, if youngsters do not follow teachers’ guidance, they would be deemed spoiled and uneducated, which will be such humiliation to a family. On the other hand, this pattern could feed into children’s passivity in the future. First, Due to constant exposure to adults’ strict control, youngsters have a penchant for feeling the sense of oppression of their inner characteristics. This would provoke the social inhibition and self-undervaluation in individuals in their adolescence, limiting their interaction and connection with other people when growing up as they do not have a predilection for self-expression. In addition, rigid control over adolescents actually could breed youngsters’ higher intentions of antagonism and antipathy against the parents or teachers, hampering their bonding and sentiments. In conclusion, I believe that absolute obedience to parents or teachers’s rules could result in young people’s vulnerability to self-oppression and relationship collapse. By loosening up the control and attempting to understand youngsters’ preferences, the aforementioned issues could easily be addressed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents’
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
supervision over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
has been capturing significant public attention in recent decades.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the common suggestion advocating children’s total adherence to adults’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
sounds plausible, it could be fraught with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications related to their future prospects.

On the one hand, it true that youngsters
are obliged
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
First
, complying with adults’ regulations could steer children away from social evils, which would breed the juvenile delinquency and felony commissions in the future.
For example
, without parental guidance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
easily
fall prey to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
peer pressure, including alcoholism and substance abuse, increasing their possibilities of committing more serious crime such as mugging or even premeditated homicide in order to have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
drugs. Second, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures
especially
oriental ones, total obedience to older generations’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
signifies the fulfilling of both moral codes and reverence, which stigmatizes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
if they defy. In fact, in Vietnam, if youngsters do not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
guidance, they would
be deemed
spoiled and uneducated, which will be such humiliation to a family.

On the other hand
, this pattern could feed into children’s passivity in the future.
First
, Due to constant exposure to adults’ strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
, youngsters have a penchant for feeling the sense of oppression of their inner characteristics. This would provoke the social inhibition and self-undervaluation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in their adolescence, limiting their interaction and connection with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when growing up as they do not have a predilection for self-expression.
In addition
, rigid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
over adolescents actually could breed youngsters’ higher intentions of antagonism and antipathy against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, hampering their bonding and sentiments.

In conclusion
, I believe that absolute obedience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
Did you mean "teacher’s" or "teachers’"?
teachers’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
could result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s vulnerability to self-oppression and relationship collapse. By loosening up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
and attempting to understand youngsters’ preferences, the aforementioned issues could
easily
be addressed
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should obey rules and do what their parents and teacherswant them to do. Others believe that children controlled very much are not well-prepared fortheir adult lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts