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Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples. v.8

At the present keeping pets at home is going common and this trend have spread several countries. However, there are both groups of people who are argue about this matter therefore, in this essay I will discuss both approaches as well as my opinion. On the one hand, a bunch of people who are think keeping pets at home is really good for children because they can spend their leisure time with them. As in this modern world parents are busy they do multiple jobs for luxuries life's therefore, in this situation children can spend their time with pets even they make them friends. Besides, pets are very loyal than human for instance, nowadays, various sort of evils have spread whole world thus, if children spend their time with pets instead of with human then they can safe from such things. On the other hand, some such people who against this thing because, they believe pets are harmful for children such as various kind of disease spread merely due to pets because when children touch pets after that they not wash their hand which cause of disease. In addition, wild pets are dangerous they may injure to children therefore, some people are against this. From my perspective, keeping pets in home is a really good thing but obviously we can't ignore that facts such as some pets are very dangerous therefore, before buying pets parents should consider that they buy merely those pets that are not harmful. To sum up, mostly pets are very innocent especially cats, small dogs etc. Consequently, keeping pets at home not really harmful if get know all things of pets before buying them.
At the present keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
at home is going common and this trend have spread several countries.
However
, there are both groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
Consider using either the past participle “argued” or the present participle “arguing” here.
argue
about this matter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, in this essay I will discuss both approaches
Probable usage error. Use “and” after ‘both’.
as well as
my opinion.

On the one hand, a bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
at home is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can spend their leisure time with them. As in this modern world parents are busy they do multiple jobs for luxuries life's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, in this situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can spend their time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them friends.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use “loyaler than”, “loyaller than” to make a comparison with this adjective.
loyal than
human
for instance
, nowadays, various sort of evils
Possible agreement error
have
spread whole world
thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
instead
of with human then they can
The word “safe” is an adjective/noun. Did you mean the verb “save”?
safe
from such things.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who against this thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as various kind of disease spread
merely
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
touch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
after that they not wash their hand which cause of disease.
In addition
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
they may injure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against this.

From my perspective, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
in home is a
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
obviously
we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that facts such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
parents should consider that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
merely
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
that are not harmful.

To sum up,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
innocent
especially
cats,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
dogs etc.
Consequently
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
at home not
really
harmful if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
know all things of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying them.
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He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that keeping pets is good go children while others believe it is dangerous and unhealthy.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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