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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.6

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 6
In this dynamic world, the employers from all the fraternities prefer to acquire the personal details of their interviewees. Many intellectuals opine that it is an essential data to evaluate the candidate, whereas others consider it as a worthless. This essay will discuss both the views of the above notion, along with my opinion further. To begin with, the former view insists to evaluate the technical skill, as well as characteristics of the applicants by knowing their hobbies and interests. In this competitive era, the companies always looking for the skilled and enthusiastic employees. The marital status and hobbies of an individual helps the firm to analyse his ambition and efficiency. For example, the employee having the single status could devote ample time to his professional life as compared to married people. Moreover, the candidate associated with the sports games is likely to be more punctual, cooperative and energetic. Thus, the personal information of the applicant is helpful to the employer to evaluate him. On the other hand, the latter view illustrates the irrelevance of the personal data to the performance of a person at the workplace. In most of the professional work don't link to the personal preferences. Hence, it is not feasible to predict the effectiveness of a person by his personal characteristics. For instance, the monotonous work in the industry does not influence by the workers personal hobbies of interest; he must have to complete the work by his practical skills. Therefore, the inquiries about the personal details at the time of the interview is not relevant. In conclusion, the innovative scrutiny process in the companies puts emphasis on not only the technical skills, but also several personal questions. In my opinion, the enhanced technique of the former view is fruitful for the employers to extract the gems from the human resources; containing multiple skills and innovative ideas.
In this dynamic world, the employers from all the fraternities prefer to acquire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of their interviewees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
intellectuals opine that it is an essential data to evaluate the candidate, whereas others consider it as
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a worthless
. This essay will discuss both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
of the above notion, along with my opinion
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
The usual collocation for "insists" is "on" not "to". Did you mean "insists on evaluating"?
insists to evaluate
the technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
,
as well
as characteristics of the applicants by knowing their hobbies and interests. In this competitive era, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
always looking for the skilled and enthusiastic employees. The marital status and hobbies of an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the firm to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
his ambition and efficiency.
For example
, the employee having the single status could devote ample time to his professional life as compared to married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, the candidate associated with the sports games is likely to be more punctual, cooperative and energetic.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information of the applicant is helpful to the employer to evaluate him.

On the other hand
, the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
illustrates the irrelevance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data to the performance of a person at the workplace. In most of the professional work don't link to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
preferences.
Hence
, it is not feasible to predict the effectiveness of a person by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
characteristics.
For instance
, the monotonous work in the industry does not influence by the workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
hobbies of interest; he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete the work by his practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Therefore
, the inquiries about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
at the time of the interview is not relevant.

In conclusion
, the innovative scrutiny process in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
puts emphasis on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
questions. In my opinion, the enhanced technique of the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
is fruitful for the employers to extract the gems from the human resources; containing multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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