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some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while, other thinks that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. discuss both views. v.1

some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while, other thinks that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. v. 1
In the modern society, many parents are concerned about where to raise their children. According to some people, living in the town most helpful for them while others believe that living in the rural area is much better for them. In my opinion, both ways of life have a lot of benefits, but rural area lifestyle would be better for children. I will discuss both of views and give my own opinion. Firstly, there are some benefits of the way of the downtown life. They can get high quality of education. In the downtown, lots of people are crowed, which means there are high, demand for many facilities, education system, health care system. Consequently, the government supports citizens to gain high quality of facilities, that are well organized such as public transportation, shopping mall, hospital. Additionally, high number of demanding means a majority of entrepreneurs may hire a number of people. Citizens can get more opportunities to get jobs than the countryside. However, everything is well structured, hence people tend to be lazy. It is because they can get what they want easily in the urban. Convenience can make people to be lazy. On the other hand, living in the rural area also has some advantages. They can spend a lot of time with nature as they grow up. It is a huge advantage. Spending time with nature make children to maintain mental health, which can reduce the stress and anxiety. In addition, they can eat locally grown food that is hard to find in the urban and in the countryside, the population of the rural areas is quite low when we compare to the town. Eventually, children can breathe fresh air due to it has less air pollution as the amount of cars are not idling in traffic as happens in the city. In summary, both ways of living would be great experienced with children. From my perspective, it will good for children to live in the countryside, they can close to nature as raising animals or growing plants and it can be a great too of education for them.
In the modern society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
are concerned
about where to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the town most helpful for them while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is much better for them. In my opinion, both ways of life have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
lifestyle would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I will discuss both of views and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of the way of the downtown life. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
quality of education. In the downtown, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are crowed
, which means there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "highs"?
high
, demand for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities, education system, health care system.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supports citizens to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
quality of facilities, that are well organized such as public transportation, shopping mall, hospital.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
number of demanding means a majority of entrepreneurs may hire a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs than the countryside.
However
, everything is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well structured
,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be lazy. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want
easily
in the urban. Convenience can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be lazy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. They can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with nature as they grow up. It is a huge advantage. Spending time with nature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to maintain mental health, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
In addition
, they can eat
locally
grown food
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find in the urban and in the countryside, the population of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is quite low when we compare to the town.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can breathe fresh air due to it has less air pollution as the amount of cars
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
not idling in traffic as happens in the city.

In summary, both ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
would be great experienced with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my perspective, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside, they can close to nature as raising animals or growing plants and it can be a great too of education for them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while, other thinks that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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