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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.10

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10
It is by no means certain that large companies and industries have drastically facilitated the way we live. However, a dilemma can be arisen as to whether those organizations should be relocated from urban areas to rural areas. In my opinion, the benefits of this movement far exceeds its drawbacks and in this essay both aspects will be investigated prior to arriving at any conclusion. On the one hand, it is indisputable fact that companies and industries produce more and more rubbish, the effects of which give rise to pollution in city areas. As a result, the quality of air has become deteriorated. Furthermore, large companies and industries occupy much spaces, while a deficiency of housing is growing. For instance, the Coca-Cola company, one of the largest one over the world, can be replaced to residential area which can accommodates about hundreds of residents. Having changed the place of companies and industries from cities to rural areas, the lives of citizens in urban places would be noticeably flourished. On the other hand, the alteration of places of large companies and industry might cause difficulties to employees of these institutions, in that commuting between work and home. In particular, if a company moves to another regional area, its workers will have to leave home very early and return so late. Another potential drawback is the goods of industries or companies may get spoilt on the long way, since the itinerary between rural area and urban area normally takes sufficiently long period of time within which delivering products intact can be fairly challenging. Therefore, it would not bring much benefit to workers of company and industry, and the products of them as well. Having acquainted with (the) both aspects, it appears to me that the advantages of replacing the companies and industry from urban centers to regional areas would surpasses the disadvantages as it would enhance the quality of cities.
It is by no means certain that large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
have
drastically
facilitated the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
However
, a dilemma can
be arisen
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
those organizations should
be relocated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In my opinion, the benefits of this movement far exceeds its drawbacks and in this essay both aspects will
be investigated
prior to arriving at any conclusion.

On the one hand, it is indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
produce more and more rubbish, the effects of which give rise to pollution in city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
As a result
, the quality of air has become deteriorated.
Furthermore
, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
occupy
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
spaces, while a deficiency of housing is growing.
For instance
, the Coca-Cola
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, one of the largest one over the world, can
be replaced
to residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
which can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "accommodate"
accommodates
about hundreds of residents. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
from cities to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of citizens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
places would be
noticeably
flourished.

On the other hand
, the alteration of places of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
might cause difficulties to employees of these institutions, in that commuting between work and home.
In particular
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to another regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, its workers will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early and return
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
late. Another potential drawback is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt on
the long way, since the itinerary between rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
normally
takes
sufficiently
long period of time within which delivering products intact can be
fairly
challenging.
Therefore
, it would not bring much benefit to workers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, and the products of them
as well
.

Having acquainted with (the) both aspects, it appears to me that the advantages of replacing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
centers to regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "surpass"
surpasses
the disadvantages as it would enhance the quality of cities.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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