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In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those cause? v.15

In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those cause? v. 15
The incidence of criminal activities is on the rise throughout the world. In my opinion, there are several reasons for it, but more important are poverty and illiteracy. These illegal activities can be effectively controlled through reduction in class difference and education of people. The most important cause of the surge in crime rates throughout the world is rising in poverty. The poverty is either due to the lack of job or low income of the people. The empty stomach of poor people when do not get food, forces them to snatch their rights either in the form burglary or paid homicide. As it is generally said the empty stomach teaches such life lessons which are difficult to learn otherwise. Hence, for the sake of feeding the starving children at home the poor people may indulge in unlawful activities. Another reason may be the lack of education as is evident from high crime rates in developing countries. These illiterate people are unable to distinguish the right from wrong. Hence, they start considering this criminal and unlawful act as part of their job with no awareness of the consequences. These problems can be solved with multifaceted approach, the most important being eradication of poverty in society. This can be done either in the form of rich people of society paying more tax, which is spent for the welfare of poors or increasing the job opportunities for jobless people. Another effective way internationally can be, if rich, affluent countries contribute to the economy of poor nations. The global studies reveal that that economically stable countries have a lower crime rate. The second possible solution may be education of people. The high literacy rate of a country is possibly the solution to all the problems. This education creates awareness amongst the people and may lead to a reduction in crime rate. In conclusion, the criminal activities throughout the world have made our lives terrible and it can only be controlled if adequate measures are taken at international level for their eradication.
The incidence of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is on the rise throughout the world. In my opinion, there are several reasons for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and illiteracy. These illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be
effectively
controlled through reduction in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
difference and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause of the surge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
throughout the world is rising in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is either due to the lack of job or low income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
empty stomach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food, forces them to snatch their rights either in the form burglary or paid homicide. As it is
generally
said the empty stomach teaches such life lessons which are difficult to learn
otherwise
.
Hence
, for the sake of feeding the starving children at home the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may indulge in unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Another reason may be the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as is evident from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. These illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to distinguish the right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
considering this criminal and unlawful act as part of their job with no awareness of the consequences.

These problems can
be solved
with multifaceted approach, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
being eradication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in society. This can
be done
either in the form of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of society paying more tax, which
is spent
for the welfare of
Possible spelling mistake found.
poors
or increasing the job opportunities for jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another effective way
internationally
can be, if rich, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
contribute to the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations. The global studies reveal
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
economically
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. The second possible solution may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
high literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
possibly
the solution to all the problems. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
creates awareness amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and may lead to a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

In conclusion
, the criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
throughout the world have made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
terrible and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be controlled
if adequate measures
are taken
at international level for their eradication.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those cause? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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