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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook)have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society? To what extent do you agree? v.4

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook)have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society? v. 4
Nowadays, technology becomes an important for everyone, especially, social network. However, many people believe that social networks have had a huge disadvantage impact on personal and social. In my point of view I strongly agree with this statement. The main reason that I believe social is more negative is it reduce your time. Actually, in a current day, a lot of people addict to Facebook and many social media platforms, they always spent their time on it. However, instead of using a time for Facebook, students should do other activities which will be more beneficial for them and society. For example, besides using Facebook, children can play football or many kinds of sports that they like which will be more beneficial for their health and get rid of sickness. Another reason is social network is reduced emotion and reaction between face-to-face communication. Recently, we always see many people use their mobile phone without any conversations with others in real situations. This leads to lack of interpersonal skills which is necessary for human society, particularly, in their work. For instance, the conference will not achieve the objective if participate do not communicate. In addition, even social media can contain your relationship with many friends that you did not see for a long time, nevertheless, it will distort your relationship with your active friends when they want to meet you with face-to-face. In conclusion, social media has both sides, positive and negative, but I agree that it is a huge negative impact. Moreover, relationship in real life is the most important.
Nowadays, technology becomes an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone,
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks have had a huge disadvantage impact on personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
. In my point of view I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

The main reason that I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Actually, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
addict to Facebook and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms, they always spent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on it.
However
,
instead
of using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for Facebook, students should do other activities which will be more beneficial for them and society.
For example
,
besides
using Facebook, children can play football or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of sports that they like which will be more beneficial for their health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of sickness.

Another reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
emotion and reaction between face-to-face communication. Recently, we always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mobile phone without any conversations with others in real situations. This leads to lack of interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which is necessary for human society,
particularly
, in their work.
For instance
, the conference will not achieve the objective if participate do not communicate.
In addition
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media can contain your relationship with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends that you did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
nevertheless
, it will distort your relationship with your active friends when they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you with face-to-face.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has both sides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.
Moreover
, relationship in real life is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook)have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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