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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.15

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 15
It has recently been observed that people have different methods of spending their leisure time. While some stress the significance of performing hobbies that exercising the brain, others prefer to rest their mind during their spare time. This essay will both opinions, as well as state why the two ideas are mutually inclusive. A significant section of people wants the choice of the hobby during pleasure, to enhance the strength of the consciousness. As a matter of fact, regular and appropriate brain exercises positively improve our cognitive ability of the practitioner. For example, the Harvard medical school journal asserted that, mind exercises like reading and board games enhance the memory region of the brain by improving its blood supply. In addition, Alzhiemer disease patients also get better after adopting this activities, consequently experiencing a decline in the severity major symptoms which is memory loss However, some consider the above school of thought as fallacious, while subscribing to relaxing neurological activities like meditation and yoga. In fact, proponents of this idea tout the health impact, along with the psychological benefits of performing mind resting activities as the reason for their preference. For instance, a lot of research points to the effectiveness of meditation in treating cerebral congestion, headaches as well as improving manic symptoms among psychiatric patients suffering from less severe form of schizophrenia. To conclude the essay, this essay was able to elucidate the fact that brain exercise and mind relaxing activities are beneficial to the practitioners. After thorough analysis of this matter, I think each idea should be combined to get the most positive effect on the mind and body.
It has recently
been observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods of spending their leisure time. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
the significance of performing hobbies that exercising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
, others prefer to rest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
during their spare time. This essay will both opinions,
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
state why the two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are
mutually
inclusive.

A significant section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wants the choice of the hobby during pleasure, to enhance the strength of the consciousness. As a matter of fact, regular and appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
exercises
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our cognitive ability of the practitioner.
For example
, the Harvard medical school journal asserted that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
exercises like reading and board games enhance the memory region of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
by improving its blood supply.
In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alzhiemer
disease patients
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better after adopting
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
consequently
experiencing a decline in the severity major symptoms which is memory loss

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider the above school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as fallacious, while subscribing to relaxing neurological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like meditation and yoga. In fact, proponents of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
tout the health impact, along with the psychological benefits of performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
resting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as the reason for their preference.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
research points to the effectiveness of meditation in treating cerebral congestion, headaches
as well
as improving manic symptoms among psychiatric patients suffering from less severe form of schizophrenia.

To conclude
the essay, this essay was able to elucidate the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are beneficial to the practitioners. After thorough analysis of this matter, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
should
be combined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and body.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 15

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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