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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.13

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 13
There is always a moot debate on, whether doing nothing during spare time is the best option to relax the brain or whether performing the passive activities is the optimal utilisation of the same.  In my opinion, the rejuvenation of the imagination completely relies on the type of work we usually do in our everyday life. On the one hand, as per the argument of some masses, it is essential to not think about anything, and give our mind some rest. When we keep ourselves away from active thinking, it enhances our imaginations to engage with the surroundings without the burden to analyse every situation we observe and encounter. For instance, an IT professional, who always remains occupied in front of the computer screen, need to stop thinking to recharge his brain and to proffer a required break to eyes, by either cherishing the nature or by any other activities where there is no need to put strain on the brain. On the other hand, the supporters of the other argument claim that no matter how much stress we face in daily life, it may just slip away when we lose ourselves in a great story of a novel or concentrate on solving the word puzzles. Reading helps to distract us from the anxiety we face and keeps us in the present moment. In addition to this, these activities foster cognitive stimulation. Studies have shown that staying mentally active through activities, such as reading and doing word puzzles, preclude (abstain) us from losing intellect power. In conclusion, I believe, as per the jobs being performed by the people at their workplaces strongly influence the choice of leisure activities. A mentally-tired person needs to give the required peace to his/her brain and confines oneself to be indulged in any activity, which requires any efforts, even though meagre.
There is always a moot debate on, whether doing nothing during spare time is the best option to relax the brain or whether performing the passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the optimal
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of the same.  In my opinion, the rejuvenation of the imagination completely relies on the type of work we
usually
do in our everyday life.

On the one hand, as per the argument of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses, it is essential to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about anything, and give our mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves away from active thinking, it enhances our imaginations to engage with the surroundings without the burden to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
every situation we observe and encounter.
For instance
, an IT professional, who always remains occupied in front of the computer screen, need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
thinking to recharge his brain and to proffer a required break to eyes, by either cherishing the nature or by any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
where there is no need to put strain on the brain.

On the other hand
, the supporters of the other argument claim that no matter how much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
we face in daily life, it may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
slip away when we lose ourselves in a great story of a novel or concentrate on solving the word puzzles. Reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to distract us from the anxiety we face and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us in the present moment.
In addition
to this, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
foster cognitive stimulation. Studies have shown that staying mentally active through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as reading and doing word puzzles, preclude (abstain) us from losing intellect power.

In conclusion
, I believe, as per the jobs
being performed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at their workplaces
strongly
influence the choice of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. A mentally-tired person needs to give the required peace to his/her brain and confines oneself to
be indulged
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, which requires any efforts,
even though
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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