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Some people think that it is better to be self-employed while others argue that working for a company is better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is better to be self-employed while others argue that working for a company is better. v. 2
Although there are some people who believe that self-employment is the best option for them, others take the view that working as employees is better. In my opinion, it is better for them to start own businesses. On one side of the argument, there are people who would argue that serving for employers can create a better life. This is because working for an organization offers a steady income and less risk of business failure. This risk free income allows them to plan their future ahead and have a good control on the life. In addition, workers are generally less stressful than owners in a business. The main reason for this is that unlike the owners, they only need to take responsibility on their duties. As a result, this benefits their mental well-being and leads them to live longer. Despite the above arguments, I am of the position that being self-employed could benefit people and their countries. Indeed, one reason for believing this is that flexible work hours could be achieved by self-employment and this offers an obvious advantage for people who cannot fit into 8-hour work routine. Furthermore, if their companies get profits, they do not require to share them with the others. Therefore, owning a business is financially more profitable. Additionally, business development of a country is highly influenced by small and medium enterprises. If everyone starts to work on their own businesses, the number of these enterprises will be increased so it will support the growth of the business in the country. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that self-employment can offer the best results for people. Given this situation, it is recommended that people should try to find a way to start their own businesses in order to support their own financial stability and development of business society.
Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that self-employment is the best option for them, others take the view that working as employees is better. In my opinion, it is better for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses.

On one side of the argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would argue that serving for employers can create a better life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
working for an organization offers a steady income and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
failure. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
free income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to plan their future ahead and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
control on the life.
In addition
, workers are
generally
less stressful than owners in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The main reason for this is that unlike the owners, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to take responsibility on their duties.
As a result
, this benefits their mental well-being and leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.

Despite the above arguments, I am of the position that being self-employed could benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their countries.
Indeed
, one reason for believing this is that flexible work hours could
be achieved
by self-employment and this offers an obvious advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot fit into 8-hour work routine.
Furthermore
, if their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profits, they do not require to share them with the others.
Therefore
, owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
financially
more profitable.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
development of a country is
highly
influenced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium enterprises. If everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to work on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, the number of these enterprises will
be increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will support the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in the country.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in society, I believe that self-employment can offer the best results for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in order to support their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
financial stability and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to be self-employed while others argue that working for a company is better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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