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Some people think that it is better to be self-employed while others argue that working for a company is better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is better to be self-employed while others argue that working for a company is better. v. 1
In the present world, commercials have a significant role in attracting their customers. Although there might be some drawbacks to it, it helps the public to know the products in the market and also to choose the right one for their needs. It is an undeniable fact that advertisement helps people to understand about the features and benefits of a particular product. This is because companies advertise a detailed explanation of their products in various media. For example, tv commercials visually explain the products capabilities and uses along with its durability and price as well. As a result, people could get a clear cut idea about the goods or services. Therefore, depending on commercials has a supportive impact in the society to meet the product knowledge. Moreover, it also helps people to choose their desired commodities or services from a wide range of options. This is due to the fact that, nowadays most of all the businesses are active in social media only for the purpose to attract customers. For instance, if I plan to dine in any restaurant, the first thing I would check is their Instagram page. As a result, sometimes I get attracted to their different cuisines. If not, I have an ocean of other options to check. Thus, social media advertising helps people to refer different business pages and they are free to select on their desire. In conclusion, despite minor demerits, advertisement is having a positive impact in the world over and people are free to choose the things they like by knowing its features.
In the present world, commercials have a significant role in attracting their customers. Although there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to it, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the public to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the market and
also
to choose the right one for their needs.

It is an undeniable fact that advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand about the features and benefits of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise a detailed explanation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in various media.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
commercials
visually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
capabilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
along with its durability and price
as well
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or services.
Therefore
, depending on commercials has a supportive impact in the society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
knowledge.

Moreover
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose their desired commodities or services from a wide range of options.
This is due to the fact that
, nowadays most of all the businesses are active in social media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the purpose to attract customers.
For instance
, if I plan to dine in any restaurant, the
first
thing I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
is their Instagram page.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cuisines. If not, I have an ocean of other options to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.
Thus
, social media advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to refer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
business
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pages and
they are free to select on their desire.

In conclusion
, despite minor demerits, advertisement is having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in the world over and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are free to choose the things they like by knowing its features.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to be self-employed while others argue that working for a company is better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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