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Some people think that it is better for a country’s economy for people to spend money while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both side and give your opinion? v.7

Some people think that it is better for a country’s economy for people to spend money while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. v. 7
Although certain individual think that it is optimum for economic development of nation if people spend money. Others believe that is shall be better for individuals to save money. In my opinion, I support the former notion of spending money because trade activity. On the one hand, people thinking of spending money as it beneficial for the nation's economy and I agree. Trading activity in a country will carry on only when the public start spending the money for purchasing and accordingly money is taken for selling. This will not only utilize the resource available, but also it encourages to bring new stock of goods in the market. This shall roll the money in the market by trading movement. For instance, As per researcher it was concluded, Indian in the last fiscal year 2019 it carried more business and this has boosted the Indian economy. On the other hand, People believing that it might be better If the money is saved. Often people like to retain the money in the bank or hoard cash with them. Saving in the bank will provide the bank to finance it to capitalist in the country which shall be in return invest back in the country. Hence this will ensure adequate finance is available to the businessmen to carry out profitable venture. For example, As per Indian economist, It was as certain that in the year 2018 and 2019 there was an increase in bank deposits and this have promoted to the bank to finance development project of the government. In conclusion, People may vary in their opinions, I strongly agree for the people to spend money in the market and to continue rolling cash. Which is beneficial to the economic development of the nation.
Although certain individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is optimum for economic development of nation if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Others believe
that is
shall be better for individuals to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion, I support the former notion of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
trade activity.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as it beneficial for the nation's economy and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Trading activity in a country will carry on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for purchasing and
accordingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is taken
for selling. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
utilize the resource available,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it encourages
Did you mean "bringing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to bring
new stock of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in the market. This shall roll the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the market by trading movement.
For instance
, As per researcher it
was concluded
, Indian in the last fiscal year 2019 it carried more business and this has boosted the Indian economy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believing that it might be better If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is saved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to retain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
or hoard cash with them. Saving in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
will provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
to finance it to capitalist in the country which shall be in return invest back in the country.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this will ensure adequate finance is available to the businessmen to carry out profitable venture.
For example
, As per Indian economist, It was as certain that in the year 2018 and 2019 there was an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
deposits and
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this have
promoted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
to finance development project of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may vary in their opinions, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the market and to continue rolling cash.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is beneficial to the economic development of the nation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is better for a country’s economy for people to spend money while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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