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Some people think that it is best to live in a vertical city (mean that people work and live in high buildings) while others think a horizontal city is better. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is best to live in a vertical city (mean that people work and live in high buildings) while others think a horizontal city is better. v. 1
Disciplines at schools provide basic knowledge for children. Generally, each youngster’s life starts from school subjects. They are specially organised at schools to provide literacy and important life skills in various areas of life. Some people believe that academic subjects grant more success in adulthood, so that non-academic subjects should be removed from school curricula. Although academic achievements are essential, I strongly believe that non-academic subjects teach children crucial life skills and make them healthier. From the point of view that only academic subjects can bring success to future adults, society can lose the opportunity to raise teenagers in harmony. There are a lot of evidence that non-academic skills such as cookery or PE have the same impact on the children’s development as academic disciplines are considered to have. For example, PE helps children to strengthen their bodies and increases strong will and ability to bear difficulties. Moreover, such skills as cookery or skill to sew can develop attentive and creative people. As a result, after gaining simple physical talents youngsters become more confident due to obtained practice and experience to live. The other reason of non-academic subjects are important is well-being issue. It is obvious that children require activities which improve their energy status as physical exercises and active games. If they do not have PE in schools as a subject, they feel weak and motionless. As a result, they become less interested in the study, they get sick often and do not have the ability to resist diseases. Consequently, society should anticipate demotivated and physically powerless members, who cannot succeed a lot in adulthood because of strength problems or lack of energy. To conclude, school children should have an opportunity to grow mentally and physically stronger. As it was above mentioned, this chance can be given if they have both academic and non-academic subjects to study at schools.
Disciplines at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide basic knowledge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Generally
, each youngster’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. They are
specially
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to provide literacy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in various areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
grant more success in adulthood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be removed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curricula. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements are essential, I
strongly
believe that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthier.

From the point of view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can bring success to future adults, society can lose the opportunity to raise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in harmony. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
evidence that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cookery or PE have the same impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
disciplines
are considered
to have.
For example
, PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to strengthen their bodies and increases strong will and ability to bear difficulties.
Moreover
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as cookery or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to sew can develop attentive and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, after gaining simple physical talents youngsters become more confident due to obtained practice and experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

The other reason of non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is well-being issue. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
require activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their energy status as physical exercises and active games. If they do not have PE in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they feel weak and motionless.
As a result
, they become less interested in the study, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and do not have the ability to resist diseases.
Consequently
, society should anticipate demotivated and
physically
powerless members, who cannot succeed a lot in adulthood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of strength problems or lack of energy.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have an opportunity to grow mentally and
physically
stronger. As it was above mentioned, this chance can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
if they have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that it is best to live in a vertical city (mean that people work and live in high buildings) while others think a horizontal city is better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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