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People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. with this opinion? v. 1
In recent years, thanks to the booming development of information technology, online communications like video conferences, meetings, trainings and even marketing are available and have become prevalent in the business world. In this essay, I’m going to talk about the benefits of virtual communication in spite of the fact that it can cause some problems. There are advantages of having meetings and training online. It saves a lot of time and money for the company. Because the company does not have to Allocate money to hold face-to-face meetings. It also reduces waste of time. In this case, the company can take care of it more essential matters and even employees are able to use the saved time in travelling to spend with their family. Furthermore, using online methods, makes it possible to have a multi geographical meeting at a specific period without physical travel. For example, a person can have a meeting with people located in many different countries during the same video-conference. To begin with the negatives, one of the drawbacks of virtual training is that it is highly relied on the internet connection. This would mean that, to achieve this, every attendee in that training session needs a reliable internet or intranet connection. For example, in the last sessions of our own class, we have experienced this and some of the students were disconnected due to poor internet connection. Secondly, people from different time zone probably find it difficult to agree on the time of the conference. For example, there is 11 hours time difference between Iran and the USA. To conclude, online engagements, despite some obvious detriments, offer much quicker and low cost ways of business communications which is an urgent need in nowadays business world.
In recent years, thanks to the booming development of information technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communications like video conferences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
and even marketing are available and have become prevalent in the business world. In this essay, I’m going to talk about the benefits of virtual communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.

There are advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. It saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Allocate money to hold face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In this case
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can take care of it more essential matters and even employees are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in travelling to spend with their family.
Furthermore
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
methods,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible to have a multi geographical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
at a specific period without physical travel.
For example
, a person can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
located in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries during the same video-conference.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the negatives, one of the drawbacks of virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is that it is
highly
relied on the internet connection. This would mean that, to achieve this, every attendee in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
session needs a reliable internet or intranet connection.
For example
, in the last sessions of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, we have experienced this and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
students
were disconnected
due to poor internet connection.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
zone
probably
find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the conference.
For example
,
Did you mean "there are 11 hours"?
there is 11 hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
difference between Iran and the USA.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
engagements, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious detriments, offer much quicker and low cost ways of business communications which is an urgent need
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
business world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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