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Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have very high salaries compared to other workers of lower positions in the same company. To what extent do you agree. v.3

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have very high salaries compared to other workers of lower positions in the same company. v. 3
It is often argued that higher management has bigger salaries as compared to lower position workers. However, some people believe this is unfair and want a change. In my opinion, I slightly disagree the statement and will provide illustrations for the same. First of all, in a company there are many layers of work and some of them require expertise. Not all people can work in such positions as it is more demanding, those having position at higher levels that we see, they are highly educated and have practical knowledge of all jobs which are being carried under the banner of a company. For instance, A CEO knows how a product is manufactured from scratch and how to manage the production as well. Secondly, they are equipped with skilful knowledge which is used in all directions of task, thus they are responsible for each and everything aspect in the association. They are not confined to a corner of the job, but they look for all the jobs being carried out in the company. Higher the responsibility is compensated by higher salaries. For example, a worker does not know how to manage money and the accounts, it can only be managed by a highly skilled employee. Lower posts are more on the ground and relate to specific work in a specific job, on the contrary, high posts people manage various domains at once. Thus, to conclude, higher level worker devotes time and incur responsibility more as compared to lower level worker so they should give higher salary. However, some facilities such as Mediclaim should be given to all irrespective of their positions.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that higher management has bigger salaries as compared to lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe this is unfair and want a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In my opinion, I
slightly
disagree the statement and will provide illustrations for the same.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
layers of work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them require expertise. Not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can work in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
as it is more demanding, those having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
at higher levels that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, they are
highly
educated and have practical knowledge of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are
being carried
under the banner of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
, A CEO knows how a product
is manufactured
from scratch and how to manage the production
as well
.

Secondly
, they
are equipped
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
knowledge which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in all directions of task,
thus
they are responsible for each and everything aspect in the association. They are not confined to a corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they look for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
being carried
out in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Higher the responsibility
is compensated
by higher salaries.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
does not know how to manage money and the accounts, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be managed
by a
highly
skilled employee. Lower posts are more on the ground and relate to specific work in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
on the contrary
, high posts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
manage various domains at once.

Thus
,
to conclude
, higher level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
devotes time and incur responsibility more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to lower level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should give higher salary.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mediclaim
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to all irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have very high salaries compared to other workers of lower positions in the same company. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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