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Some people think that it is a good idea to give children a small amount of money each week to spend on what they would like. other people think that this is wrong and that it is a waste of money. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is a good idea to give children a small amount of money each week to spend on what they would like. other people think that this is wrong and that it is a waste of money. v. 1
It is and irrefutable fact that nowadays children are more dependent as compared to early stages. Some people assert that the weekly basis pocket money is worth for children and they spend what they want, whereas others think that giving money every week is devastating the Wealth. In this essay, I intend to discuss both views and my own opinion before the reasonable conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why pocket cash for children every week is beneficial. Firstly, the limited amount of pay for children helps to make teen happy. Specially, it also make dependent and create the mentality to save money for their toys or whatever they want which is expensive. For an example, according to the research, folks who give the fund to their children on every week that make children more responsible. On the contrary side, most of the People say that they provide everything to their children to fulfil their dreams such as games, food and books and there is no sense to give more pay to their children. They feel that some children are weak by their mind, so that they can choose the wrong decision, such as cheap drug addiction which causes the bad impact on the society. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that provide bills to the child is not atrocious thing. It is the responsibility of the parents to track of their children's, instead of stopping to give expenses.
It is and irrefutable fact that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more dependent as compared to early stages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that the weekly basis pocket money is worth for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they spend what they want, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that giving money every week is devastating the Wealth. In this essay, I intend to discuss both views and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why pocket cash for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
every week is beneficial.
Firstly
, the limited amount of pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teen happy.
Specially
, it
also
Did you mean "makes"?
make
dependent and create the mentality to save money for their toys or whatever they want which is expensive. For an example, according to the research, folks who give the fund to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on every week that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more responsible.

On the contrary
side, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
say that they provide everything to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to fulfil their dreams such as games, food and books and there is no sense to give more pay to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are weak by their mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can choose the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
drug addiction which causes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the society.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that provide bills to the child is not atrocious thing. It is the responsibility of the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of their children's,
instead
of stopping to give expenses.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is a good idea to give children a small amount of money each week to spend on what they would like. other people think that this is wrong and that it is a waste of money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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