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Some people think that International students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some people think that International students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
At the present time the whole world has become like a global village and because of this all sectors are feeling its effect which includes the educational sector also. A group of people believes that all teenage school students should take part in an international student exchange program which would be a great benefit for them. I do believe that the benefits of this scheme are far greater than it's drawback which this essay will try to discuss. There are many advantages of International student exchange, for example, experience new culture, broad outlook, learn new things, lessen the distance between people across the globe and so on. According to latest research, it has been proved that the people who have participated in an exchange programme in their college life tend to be more successful in their career. As a result more and more colleges around the world are introducing a student exchange plan for their students. On the other hand, there are some minor drawbacks as well. As students have to move away from their families and home environment, sometimes they become depressed and feel lonely. Sometimes it is difficult for students to adjust to the food habit of the new area. Language barrier can also create some problems for the students if they do not know the local language. In spite of some problems, the trend of exchanging students globally is increasing gradually. Although there are some drawbacks of the system, the benefits are surely greater as the research suggested.
At the present time the whole world has become like a global village and
because of this
all sectors are feeling its effect which includes the educational sector
also
. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that all teenage school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
program which would be a great benefit for them. I do believe that the benefits of this scheme are far greater than it's drawback which this essay will try to discuss.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
,
for example
, experience new culture, broad outlook, learn new things, lessen the distance between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. According to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
research, it has
been proved
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have participated in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
in their college life tend to be more successful in their career.
As a result
more and more colleges around the world are introducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
plan for their students.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor drawbacks
as well
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from their families and home environment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they become depressed and feel lonely.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to adjust to the food habit of the new area. Language barrier can
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
if they do not know the local language.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, the trend of exchanging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
globally is increasing
gradually
. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of the system, the benefits are
surely
greater as the research suggested.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that International students exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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