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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.13

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. 13
People have different views about whether or not human tend to independent in the advance social. While some people purpose that humanity relier on other people, I believe that, nowaday human become more and more independent than the past. On the one hand, nowaday humanity are ofter rely on other financial support. Many adults live with their parents. Those adults have no occupation, no social life and thus no money. For example, a 30 years old man named Ivan in London. He has a master degree but has no job. He stays at home day after day, waiting for his mother to serve him food. Those storieslike I just said about Ivan are very popular in some countries, such as Spain, Chile and Vietnam. On the other hand, there are two principal reasons why many people do believe that we are independent human in the modern world. Firstly, youth people know how to earn money very early. Children at high school can do part-time jobs when they are in summer vacation. After that, they can learn how to spend their own money without asking their dad or mom. Secondly, modern people have a very good potential skill, it is critical thinking. Critical tinking, especially in children, may help them to think carefully and quickly. For instance, a child with idea of this thinking method can easy decide whether or not that it should take part in a course. In conclusion, there are some reasons which indicate people are tend to dependent, but in my opinion, nowaday people are truly independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
human tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
in the advance social. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
purpose that humanity
Possible spelling mistake found.
relier
on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
human become more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
than the past.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
humanity are
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofter
rely on other financial support.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their parents. Those adults have no occupation, no social life and
thus
no money.
For example
, a 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
named Ivan in London. He has a master degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has no job. He stays at home day after day, waiting for his mother to serve him food. Those
Possible spelling mistake found.
storieslike
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
said about Ivan are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, such as Spain, Chile and Vietnam.

On the other hand
, there are two principal reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do believe that we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
human in the modern world.
Firstly
, youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to earn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early. Children at high school can do part-time jobs when they are in summer vacation. After that, they can learn how to spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money without asking their dad or mom.
Secondly
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, it is critical thinking. Critical
Possible spelling mistake found.
tinking
,
especially
in children, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
and
quickly
.
For instance
, a child with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of this thinking method can easy decide
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
that it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a course.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which indicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tend to dependent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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