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Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument? v.3

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. with this argument? v. 3
In the past decade, the violent crimes have been on the increase. This leads many people to believe that the death penalty can prove to be an effective measure to reduce criminal offences, while the other section of people believes the opposite. I agree with the foremost view. Firstly, many think that death penalty is of no use in curbing the violence. They give arguments that no one in this world has any right to take life. Additionally, most of the time criminals are not in the right frame of mind while they are committing lawlessness, hence they are not able to evaluate the situation correctly. Hence, instead of death punishments they should be given a chance to reform their lives. Moreover, there have been instances where innocent have been sentenced to death. For example, in China, the innocence of a man from Beijing, was proved 18 years after his death. On the contrary, death penalty is necessary to maintain law and order in the society else no criminal will feel fear. The strict punishments induce fear in the mind of offenders. Thus, they might think of punishment before planning and plotting of the lawlessness and can decide to refrain themselves. Furthermore, it helps in restoring faith in the judicial system. For instance, the death penalty for the Delhi case rapists for their heinous act, will help restore faith of many in the system. In addition to this, this helps the government save the expenses of the criminals, which can be spent for the betterment of the nation. To conclude, death sentence might have some disadvantages, but I believe that it is a must for every nation to provide its citizens the much needed security to live peacefully.
In the past decade, the violent crimes have been on the increase. This leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to believe that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
can prove to be an effective measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, while the other section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes the opposite. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the foremost view.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in curbing the violence. They give arguments that no one in this world has any right to take life.
Additionally
, most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are not in the right frame of mind while they are committing lawlessness,
hence
they are not able to evaluate the situation
correctly
.
Hence
,
instead
of death punishments they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to reform their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, there have been instances where innocent have
been sentenced
to death.
For example
, in China, the innocence of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
from Beijing,
was proved
18 years after his death.

On the contrary
, death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is necessary to maintain law and order in the society else no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
will feel fear. The strict punishments induce fear in the mind of offenders.
Thus
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
planning and plotting of the lawlessness and can decide to refrain themselves.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in restoring faith in the judicial system.
For instance
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
for the Delhi case rapists for their heinous act, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
restore faith of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in the system.
In addition
to this, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
save the expenses of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, which can
be spent
for the betterment of the nation.

To conclude
, death sentence might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for every nation to provide its citizens the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
security to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. with this argument? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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