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Some people think that in the countries with high rate of unemployment, there is no need for the government to offer secondary education to primary school pupils who have no hope of finding a job in the future v.1

Some people think that in the countries with high rate of unemployment, there is no need for the government to offer secondary education to primary school pupils who have no hope of finding a job in the future v. 1
In this contemporary world, the arts are losing its importance, whereas faculties, namely science, technology and business are gaining immense popularity. For such reason, the government should allot more funds for educational facilities, rather than promoting the arts. This essay will highlight why granting finances to an artist is beneficial, but why providing capitals to escalate the literacy rate is more significant. To begin with, arts related fields are an essential aspect of a society, since it aids in acknowledging the culture and norms of a particular area. This helps the people to value the renowned personalities of the past and their sacrifice for the country, and also boosts the tourism industry, hence allocating the finances to such field is reliable and profitable. To illustrate, the Indian government provides around a million rupees to a museum in Mumbai each year for its maintenance, which is extremely popular among the local as well as the foreign masses. Therefore, allocating the capitals is crucial for the maintenance of the tradition and the value of a particular place, however, issues related to other field are more important than the arts. Nevertheless, an educated youth is the pillar of a nation, so the government has the responsibility to focus merely on such aspects such as education and health care, and must allot supplementary funds to those sectors rather than promoting the arts. Many people in a developing, or even a developed country still has a literacy rate below half percentage, so boosting such field will help the nation in several ways, by abating crime rates, poverty related issues, etc. For instance, a survey recently taken by the Malaysian Education Foundation stated that, in 2014, after the government provided a free education to the destitute students, 78% are now employed, and the economy of the country is also mounting steadily. Thus, more the people are enlightened, more developed the nation is. In conclusion, the government should grant funds to preserve the arts, but in a limited amount and such process should not hamper the progress of other fields. However, the discipline like education, health care and transportation require immediate action and should be invested more than other sectors.
In this contemporary world, the
arts
are losing its importance, whereas faculties,
namely
science, technology and business are gaining immense popularity. For such reason, the
government
should allot more funds for educational facilities,
rather
than promoting the
arts
. This essay will highlight why granting finances to an artist is beneficial,
but
why providing capitals to escalate the literacy rate is more significant.

To
begin
with,
arts
related
fields
are an essential aspect of a society, since it aids in acknowledging the culture and norms of a particular area. This
helps
the
people
to value the renowned personalities of the past and their sacrifice for the country, and
also
boosts the tourism industry,
hence
allocating the finances to such
field
is reliable and profitable. To illustrate, the Indian
government
provides around a million rupees to a museum in Mumbai each year for its maintenance, which is
extremely
popular among the local
as well
as the foreign masses.
Therefore
, allocating the capitals is crucial for the maintenance of the tradition and the value of a particular place,
however
, issues related to other
field
are more
important
than the arts.

Nevertheless
, an educated youth is the pillar of a nation,
so
the
government
has the responsibility to focus
merely
on such aspects such as
education
and health care, and
must
allot supplementary funds to those sectors
rather
than promoting the
arts
.
Many
people
in a developing, or even a
developed country
still
has a literacy rate below half percentage,
so
boosting such
field
will
help
the nation in several ways, by abating crime rates, poverty related issues, etc.
For instance
, a survey recently taken by the Malaysian
Education
Foundation stated that, in 2014, after the
government
provided a free
education
to the destitute students, 78% are
now
employed, and the economy of the country is
also
mounting
steadily
.
Thus
, more the
people
are enlightened
, more developed the nation is.

In conclusion
, the
government
should grant funds to preserve the
arts
,
but
in a limited amount and such process should not hamper the progress of other
fields
.
However
, the discipline like
education
, health care and transportation require immediate action and should
be invested
more than other sectors.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the countries with high rate of unemployment, there is no need for the government to offer secondary education to primary school pupils who have no hope of finding a job in the future v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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