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Briefly summarize the problem the speaker are discussing. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.1

Briefly summarize the problem the speaker are discussing. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1
It is true that a great deal of experts from the various walks of the life like health practitioners, mentors with educational backgrounds travel to the advance nations from their native underdeveloped countries. This essay shall discuss two main problems including decreased working capacity and rising cost. This essay shall also discuss two primary solutions including high salary offers and limitations by the policy makers. On the one hand, this phenomenon is a major cause of the brain drain from the country. In other words, a myriad of highly qualified personnels leave their homes to find better opportunities, in terms of wages and privileges due to which a country suffers from lack of the potential workers from every discipline. This definitely result in reduced labour force in the market. Another obvious problem is the upsurge in prices of services provided by such sort of professionals. For instance, patients have to pay a huge amount of money for the medical examination fee in Pakistan owning to less number of available trained physicians. Therefore, it can be argued that, less number of work force and inflation are the imminent threats that need to be addressed on a war footing. Despite above mentioned problems, several effective steps can be taken to resolve this issue. In the first place, increase in remuneration and arranging better facilities is the best way to lure elite class to both remain and serve within the community. Another possible measure is the ban on travel of qualified citizens by the government. In this way, the authorities can not only control the exit, but also make them to sign a contract of serving for a specified period of time. For instance, in Japan, it is compulsory for the graduates do jobs in their designated disciplines for at least two years. Thus, these are the ways which can be introduced to make individuals work for their own nations first. In conclusion, while there are numerous negative aspects of immigration to rich countries of the third world countries, large scale, long term interventions required to mitigate this problem.
It is true that a great deal of experts from the various walks of the life like health practitioners, mentors with educational backgrounds travel to the advance nations from their native underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay shall discuss two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
including decreased working capacity and rising cost. This essay shall
also
discuss two primary solutions including high salary offers and limitations by the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
.

On the one hand, this phenomenon is a major cause of the brain drain from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In other words
, a myriad of
highly
qualified
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes to find better opportunities, in terms of wages and privileges due to which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
suffers from lack of the potential workers from every discipline. This definitely result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force in the market. Another obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the upsurge in prices of services provided by such sort of professionals.
For instance
, patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a huge amount of money for the medical examination fee in Pakistan owning to less number of available trained physicians.
Therefore
, it can
be argued
that, less number of work force and inflation are the imminent threats that need to
be addressed
on a war footing.

Despite above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, several effective steps can
be taken
to resolve this issue. In the
first
place, increase in remuneration and arranging better facilities is the best way to lure elite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to both remain and serve within the community. Another possible measure is the ban on travel of qualified citizens by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In this way, the authorities can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
control the exit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
a contract of serving for a specified period of time.
For instance
, in Japan, it is compulsory for the graduates do jobs in their designated disciplines for at least two years.
Thus
, these are the ways which can
be introduced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals work for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nations
first
.

In conclusion
, while there are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of immigration to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, large scale, long term interventions required to mitigate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Briefly summarize the problem the speaker are discussing. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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