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Some people think that in order to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately owned vehicles should be banned in city centers, while others consider this to be an unrealistic solution. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that in order to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately owned vehicles should be banned in city centers, while others consider this to be an unrealistic solution. v. 1
People assume that scientific research is supposed to be supervised by the government instead of the private organization. I personally, share a similar view with this statement with the reasons stated below. Many reasons can clarify the essential part of the government role to control scientific studies. First of all, various research activities are carried out by private companies such as pharmaceutical companies to produce a new remedy for a certain illness. This leads to exclusive claim for the medication by a sole company merely for the sake of economic commodity without offering an advantage to the public health. Therefore, in this case, the government should implement policies such as granting a limited time for the company to produce and sell the medication as well as adjusting the medication price in the market. Thus, this remedy is affordable for people. Moreover, many scientific research projects are funded by the government grant which is derived from public money such as taxes. The government ought to make sure that this study is not wasting money and can bring about the beneficial effects on society. Furthermore, many scientific studies involve human as objects. For this, the government should employ a strict regulation to protect and to ensure that there is no violation of human rights as well as no negative consequences resulting from this process. To sum up, I believe that the role of government to control scientific studies is essential to ensure that all the research purpose is purely to bring benefit to community.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is supposed
to
be supervised
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
instead
of the private organization. I
personally
, share a similar view with this statement with the reasons stated below.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons can clarify the essential part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
role to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
activities
are carried
out by private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
such as pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to produce a new remedy for a certain illness. This leads to exclusive claim for the medication by a sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
merely
for the sake of economic commodity without offering an advantage to the public health.
Therefore
,
in this case
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should implement policies such as granting a limited time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to produce and sell the medication
as well
as adjusting the medication price in the market.
Thus
, this remedy is affordable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
projects
are funded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
grant which
is derived
from public money such as taxes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is not wasting money and can bring about the beneficial effects on society.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
involve human as objects. For this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should employ a strict regulation to protect and to ensure that there is no violation of human rights
as well
as no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences resulting from this process.

To sum up, I believe that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is essential to ensure that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
purpose is
purely
to bring benefit to community.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that in order to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately owned vehicles should be banned in city centers, while others consider this to be an unrealistic solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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