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People should not buy the foreign products instead they should purchase the products of their own country. Agree or disagree? v.1

People should not buy the foreign products instead they should purchase the products of their own country. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Many people believe government´s money should be used to build, maintain and fix railways instead of roads. In my opinion, this is a very wise decision and in this essay it will be explained why. Trains are essential because thousands of workers need them to commute to work every day. Lower price and comfortable journeys, are the two main reasons that explain why citizens prefer trains rather than cars to get to work. In addition, travelling by train is considerably less stressful than driving in heavy traffic from neighbouring towns to big cities. Take, for instance, in Buenos Aires it would take maybe one hour driving to get downtown from nearby surrounding areas such as Vicente Lopez, whereas by train you would only need 15 to 20 minutes. One the other hand, spending money on roads is important to improve the connection between cities and a car´s durability, but this is not as meaningful to people´s life as improving the quality of train journeys. On the contrary, fixed roads would rise the amount of cars in them and consequently increase the possibilities of being part of traffic jams and accidents and therefore of arriving late for work. Trains are, by the way, significantly more convenient as it is only needed one to carry lots of people while cars only take one or two passengers at a time. In conclusion, whereas roads should be built and looked after by the government to communicate neighbouring cities and prevent car breaking, more money should be spent on railways. These days, arriving on time and in shape to work is essential for people's lives and this depends on the good functioning of public transport such as trains.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
The character between 'government' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "government’s" (curly apostrophe) or "government's" (straight apostrophe).
government´s
money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build, maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
railways
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wise decision and in this essay it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why.

Trains are essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
thousands of workers need them to commute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
every day. Lower price and comfortable journeys, are the two main reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why citizens prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, travelling by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
is
considerably
less stressful than driving in heavy traffic from
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
towns to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. Take,
for instance
, in Buenos Aires it would take maybe one hour driving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
downtown from nearby surrounding areas such as Vicente Lopez, whereas by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need 15 to 20 minutes.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
cities and a
The character between 'car' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "car’s" (curly apostrophe) or "car's" (straight apostrophe).
car´s
durability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not as meaningful to
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people´s
life as improving the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
journeys.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
would rise the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in them and
consequently
increase the possibilities of being part of traffic jams and accidents and
therefore
of arriving late for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trains
are, by the way,
significantly
more convenient as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
needed one to carry lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take one or two passengers at a time.

In conclusion
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
should
be built
and looked after by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to communicate
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
cities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
breaking, more money should
be spent
on railways. These days, arriving on time and in shape to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and this depends on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
functioning of public transport such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay People should not buy the foreign products instead they should purchase the products of their own country. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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