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What, in your opinion, is the reason for this? How can this be balanced? Give reasons for your answer. v.1

What, in your opinion, is the reason for this? How can this be balanced? v. 1
It is undoubtedly that learning a foreign language is essential for children. However, educational institutions should not force the student to learn it. I share a similar point of view with this statement with the reasons stated below. To begin with, pushing the youngster to learn a foreign language in school is not an ideal method to improve their communication skills due to the fact there is a shortage number of a competent teacher to deliver this knowledge. In Indonesia, for instance, just a small number of English language subject in school is taught by a subject specialist teacher. This affects the teaching method and material used in the classroom and the tutor is unable to stimulate language-learning activities resulting in the youngster becoming passive participants. Consequently, this process is waste time without beneficial effect for the student. Furthermore, the school curriculum consists of many fundamental subjects in which it is mandatory for the student. The curriculum grade 6 of the elementary school in Indonesia, for example, has at least 6 or 7 compulsory subjects and minimum 3 additional subjects. This is a heavy burden for the student and by obligating them to study the second language may cause overpressure. This leads to a decrease in their academic performance and for the long run, makes them lose their motivation to acquire new knowledge. To sum up, although, it is admittedly that foreign language is beneficial for children in many ways, I disagree that the school have to force the student to learn second because there is a limited number of competent human resources to transfer this knowledge and heavy curriculum in the school.
It is
undoubtedly
that learning a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is essential for children.
However
, educational institutions should not force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to learn it. I share a similar point of view with this statement with the reasons stated below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, pushing the youngster to learn a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not an ideal method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
due to the fact there is a shortage number of a competent teacher to deliver this knowledge. In Indonesia,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is taught
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
specialist teacher. This affects the teaching method and material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the classroom and the tutor
Did you mean "are"?
is
unable to stimulate language-learning activities resulting in the youngster becoming passive participants.
Consequently
, this process is waste time without beneficial effect for the student.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in which it is mandatory for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. The curriculum grade 6 of the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in Indonesia,
for example
, has at least 6 or 7 compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and minimum 3 additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This is a heavy burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and by obligating them to study the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
may cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
overpressure
. This leads to a decrease in their academic performance and for the long run,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lose their motivation to acquire new knowledge.

To sum up, although, it is
admittedly
that foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is beneficial for children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, I disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to learn second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a limited number of competent human resources to transfer this knowledge and heavy curriculum in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What, in your opinion, is the reason for this? How can this be balanced? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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