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Some people think that impressive building are important. Others believe that schools and hospitals are important v.1

Some people think that impressive building are important. Others believe that schools and hospitals are important v. 1
Some people think that large as well as impressive constructions have a crucial importance for a city while others are of the opinion that government should be spent the most amount of money on meliorating schools and hospitals. In my opinion, both views are true and reasons will be given below. Turning to the impressive buildings, they are significantly important for city’s finance, that’s why tourists as well as strangers are interested in country’s enormous and large constructions. They may spend money for getting acquainted with these buildings. Secondly, many popular singers may choose these places to organize their concerts or they may take their clip in well-known and impressive buildings. Moreover, huge construction can be known the icon of a country. One example that springs to my mind is the Уiffel is the symbol of France and Princes Tower is the symbol of United Arab Emirates. On the other hand, if the government wants to keep citizen’s health and prepare people who are smart and who have a great intelligence, first of all they should spend money on improving the school’s and the hospital’s condition. If people are healthy and can figure out the truth, they can achieve everything that they desire. Moreover, it is crucial to provide inhabitants with a work and sufficient education. By that I mean, if the country does not want to multiple people who are unemployed, they must take into consideration in building hospitals as well as schools To sum up, the government should construct impressive buildings to earn money from visitors. However it is too important to keep health of citizens and prepare students who have a smart intelligence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that large
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impressive
constructions have a crucial importance for a city while others are of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be spent
the most amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on meliorating schools and hospitals. In my opinion, both views are true and reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
below.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, they are
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for city’s finance, that’s why tourists
as well
as strangers
are interested
in country’s enormous and large constructions. They may spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for getting acquainted with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular singers may choose these places to organize their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
concerts or
they may take their clip in well-known and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Moreover
, huge construction can
be known
the icon of a country. One example that springs to my mind is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Уiffel
is the symbol of France and Princes Tower is the symbol
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Arab Emirates".
of United Arab Emirates
.

On the other hand
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
citizen’s health and prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are smart and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a great intelligence,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
they should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on improving the school’s and the hospital’s condition. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthy and can figure out the truth, they can achieve everything that they desire.
Moreover
, it is crucial to provide inhabitants with a work and sufficient education. By that I mean, if the country does not want to multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unemployed
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take into consideration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
hospitals
as well
as
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
schools


To sum up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from visitors.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
health of citizens and prepare students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "smart intelligence".
a smart intelligence
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that impressive building are important. Others believe that schools and hospitals are important v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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