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Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. v.4

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. v. 4
Humans and animals have shared a very special relationship since the dawn of time. Humans have used animals for sustenance, for work and also for companionship. In the recent times, there has been a growing concern for the endangered species, with increasing number of birds and animals becoming extinct. I disagree with the point that the habitat for endangered species should be allowed to be used for housing and industries, thus giving more importance to human needs. To support my opinion, firstly, the humans should be considerate and humane towards the Mother Nature and the living beings on earth. Consider the example of parrots, at present, parrots can be seen only in the animated movies or in the zoos. If the right steps would have been taken at the appropriate time, we could have saved more parrots. By being considerate for the animals we are making sure that the food chain of animals does not get disturbed and thus does not disturb the cycle of nature. To give the problem a different perspective, the problem of land for more housing and industries should be solved with more constructive ways. Cities can be designed and planned with modern technology to use optimum land thus saving the land for the needful endangered species. To give an example, Singapore has a well-laid infrastructure which uses latest technologies to promote bio-diversity. The government has created national parks for the endangered species. Thus, both humans and animals thrive in harmony with constructive methods used to build modern cities. To conclude, although the demand for land is growing every day for more human needs, there are constructive ways by which the supply can be produced, without endangering more animals and risking their extinction. It is also recommended to study and observe the modern city models like Singapore and South Korea to promote constructive ideas instead of destructive methods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have shared a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
special relationship since the dawn of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for sustenance, for work and
also
for companionship. In the recent times, there has been a growing concern for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species, with increasing number of birds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
becoming extinct. I disagree with the point that the habitat for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for housing and industries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
giving more importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs.

To support my opinion,
firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should be considerate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humane
towards the Mother Nature and the living beings on earth. Consider the example of parrots, at present, parrots can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the animated movies or in the zoos. If the right steps would have
been taken
at the appropriate time, we could have saved more parrots. By being considerate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
we are making sure that the food chain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
does not disturb the cycle of nature.

To give the problem a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective, the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
for more housing and industries should
be solved
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructive
ways. Cities can
be designed
and planned with modern technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
optimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
for the needful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species. To give an example, Singapore has a well-laid infrastructure which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies to promote bio-diversity. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has created national parks for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Thus
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
thrive in harmony with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructive
methods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build modern cities.

To conclude
, although the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
is growing every day for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructive
ways by which the supply can
be produced
, without endangering more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and risking their extinction. It is
also
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended studying".
recommended to study
and observe the modern city models like Singapore and South Korea to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
instead
of destructive methods.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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