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Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. v.3

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. v. 3
As human population is significantly increasing every year, people's requirements are increasing too. We need more food, more machines, more place to live and so on. As a result, people need more land areas to satisfy their requirements. We cultivate and irrigate more and more lands to plant vegetables, build new buildings, airports, roads, etc. I think sometimes we forget that we are not alone on this planet. I have to disagree with those people who think that human needs are more important than saving land for endangered animals. I base my opinion on the following points. First of all, as I have already mentioned, we are not alone on this planet. A few centuries ago we were the part of wild nature. I think we need to remember this fact and respect all creatures around us. The green planet has thousands of species and all of them have equal share to live here freely. If we use all the lands for us, it will be impossible for other species to survive. As humans, we have a responsibility to let other species live in a natural environment. Second of all, I believe that we all need to think of the problem of overpopulation. The human population is dramatically increasing and we have to do something about it. From my opinion, every family should have no more than two children. It will help to stop the growth of population, decrease human needs for farmland, housing and industry. In conclusion, I think it is a very topical question nowadays that whether we, humans, have the supreme possession of everything on earth. My point is that all people should
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population is
significantly
increasing every year,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's requirements are increasing too. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more food, more machines, more place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
areas to satisfy their requirements. We cultivate and irrigate more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
to plant vegetables, build new buildings, airports, roads, etc. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we forget that we are not alone on this planet. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
disagree with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
for endangered animals.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
base my opinion on the following points.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as I have already mentioned, we are not alone on this planet. A few centuries ago we were the part of wild nature. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to remember this fact and respect all creatures around us. The green planet has thousands of species and all of them have equal share to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here
freely
. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
for us, it will be impossible for other species to survive. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, we have a responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
other species
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a natural environment.

Second of all, I believe that we all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of the problem of overpopulation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population is
dramatically
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increasing and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something about it. From my opinion, every family should have no more than two children. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the growth of population, decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for farmland, housing and industry.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical question nowadays that whether we,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, have the supreme possession of everything on earth. My point is that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
should
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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