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Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Technology today has evolved so much that it has had a huge impact on traditional ways of living and working. Many old fashioned jobs and practices have already become extinct and some people argue that there is no point in trying to revive them. I totally agree with this view. As stated above, technology has caused / has led to rapid changes which have resulted in machines replacing men at work. A job that required 100 men before the advent of industrialisation can now be performed by just one machine, its operator and a handful of people who maintain that machine. In addition, companies have started to make huge profits as machines do not get tired as humans do and there is only little expense involved in their maintenance. All this has resulted in loss of jobs; however, this decline in employment opportunity is only seen in the un-skilled sector. According to a survey conducted by various institutes for the years 1970-2000, technological advancement has affected 75% of un-skilled jobs and only 10% of skilled jobs. Furthermore, there is an increase in the number of skilled jobs and new sectors has come into existence during this period creating 30 million jobs every year. Obviously, there is no point in making policies to preserve the jobs which are bound to vanish by the time. I would like to conclude that although technological changes have resulted in the loss of some jobs it also generated new job opportunities thus no effort is required from the lawmakers to save what are to be gone. In the end, “where there is an end there is a new beginning”.
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has evolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that it has had a huge impact on traditional ways of living and working.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and practices have already become extinct and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that there is no point in trying to revive them. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

As stated above, technology has caused / has led to rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which have resulted in machines replacing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
at work. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that required 100
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advent of
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be performed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one machine, its operator and a handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who maintain that machine.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge profits as machines do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired as humans do and there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
expense involved in their maintenance. All this has resulted in loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
;
however
, this decline in employment opportunity is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-skilled
sector. According to a survey conducted by various institutes for the years 1970-2000, technological advancement has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
75% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Furthermore
, there is an increase in the number of skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and new sectors has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into existence during this period creating 30 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
every year.
Obviously
, there is no point in making policies to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
are bound
to vanish by the time.

I would like
to conclude
that although technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have resulted in the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
it
also
generated new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities
thus
no effort
is required
from the lawmakers to save what are to
be gone
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, “where there is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
there is a new beginning”.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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