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Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v.5

Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v. 5
Several people choose to be self-employed rather than becoming a professional employee, while others decide to be a professional or an entrepreneur. Each of the choices has its own positive and negative things, but in my personal opinion, I prefer to be an employee, since it has the lowest risk. To begin with, some people have decided to be self-employed. They prefer to do that because they do not like to be regulated by any procedures, or being governed by under companies' regulation. Examples of the self-employed jobs are professional actors, athletes, freelancers, or other kinds of art performers. While others prefer to be an entrepreneur because they feel that by opening a new business, it brings a lot benefits for themselves and societies. Should the new business run smooth and in accordance with the business plan, the owner should get a lot of profits. And then, it will create job opportunities for the communities as well. However, these two choices have their own weaknesses. As a self-employed person, there is no guarantee that they will get a sustainable income, as they are paid in accordance with their performances. While as a business owner, it is obvious that there are a lot of risks for them such as the risk of bad debt, foreign exchange fluctuation and bankruptcy. On the other hand, some people dislike being a professional worker. They feel that they have limited and restricted time, and sometimes the workload is also unreasonable. However, many people do not realise that becoming an employee has the lowest risk ever. They will have steady income through their monthly salaries, despite that their companies might be performing poorly. And then they would have additional benefits from the company such as medical allowance, annual leaves and company cars as well. Lastly, companies are also paying the retirement fund for their employees as well. Therefore, the advantages of being an employee outweighed the disadvantages. In conclusion, it is a fact that people have different options about work. Some people choose to open their own business, while others prefer to be self-employed or work in an organisation. After measuring the benefits and drawbacks, I personally prefer to be a professional employee, since it has the lowest risk.
Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be self-employed
rather
than becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, while others decide to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
or an entrepreneur. Each of the choices has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my personal opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, since it has the lowest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have decided to be self-employed. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to do that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not like to
be regulated
by any procedures, or
being governed
by under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' regulation. Examples of the self-employed jobs are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
actors, athletes, freelancers, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of art performers. While others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to be an entrepreneur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel that by opening a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, it brings
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of benefits"?
a lot benefits
for themselves and societies. Should the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
run smooth and in accordance with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
plan, the owner should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
profits. And then, it will create job opportunities for the communities
as well
.
However
, these two choices have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
weaknesses. As a self-employed person, there is no guarantee that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a sustainable income, as they
are paid
in accordance with their performances. While as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owner, it is obvious that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
for them such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
debt, foreign exchange fluctuation and bankruptcy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dislike being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
worker. They feel that they have limited and restricted time, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the workload is
also
unreasonable.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that becoming an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
ever. They will have steady income through their monthly salaries, despite that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might be performing
poorly
. And then they would have additional benefits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
such as medical allowance, annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
cars
as well
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
also
paying the retirement fund for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as well
.
Therefore
, the advantages of being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
outweighed the disadvantages.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options about work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to open their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to be self-employed or work in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. After measuring the benefits and drawbacks, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, since it has the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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