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Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v.6

Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v. 6
Basically, people work for money and self-realization. However, some people prefer to be self-employed and others prefer to work for an employer. These two options are very different ones and I did not make my choice yet. I think that each of them has its own advantages and disadvantages. Working as an employee brings many benefits. First of all, one can spend more time with his family helping his child do his homework, fishing with the whole family, etc. Second of all, one has fewer responsibilities. He just does his job and does not care about the market, competitors and expected profit. One taking a vacation can forget about all troubles, relax and not worry about who does his job during his absence. Finally, an employee can always find a more interesting job with a higher salary. From the other side, be self-employed have many benefits too. First of all, one knows the more he works the more he gets. Another important reason of being self-employed is independence. One does not have to report to anyone except one's self. However, in addition to these practical benefits, one gets more responsibilities to take care of. To sum up, I think that be self-employed is not as easy as it may seem. A person must be self-confident, strong and patient. He must know exactly what he wants and be ready to sacrifice all his spare time to it. I have a family and at this moment I am not sure that I am ready to sacrifice my time to the job.
Basically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work for money and self-realization.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to be self-employed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
prefer to work for an employer. These two options are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ones and I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my choice
yet
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that each of them has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages.

Working as an employee brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one can spend more time with his family helping his child do his homework, fishing with the whole family, etc. Second of all, one has fewer responsibilities. He
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not care about the market, competitors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
profit. One taking a vacation can forget about all troubles, relax and not worry about who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during his absence.
Finally
, an employee can always find a more interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a higher salary.

From the other side, be self-employed have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits too.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one knows the more he works the more he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason of being self-employed is independence. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
report to anyone except one's self.
However
,
in addition
to these practical benefits, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more responsibilities to take care of.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that be self-employed is not as easy as it may seem. A person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be self-confident, strong and patient. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know exactly what he wants and be ready to sacrifice all his spare time to it. I have a family and at this moment I am not sure that I am ready to sacrifice my time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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